Deep Iniside
by SinisterChic
Summary: Complete with ch 24-26! Spike develops a case of dissociative amnesia after gaining his soul and humanity. Meanwhile, Buffy pretends his absence doesn't matter. BS
1. ch 1

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

First here is an explanation of dissociative amnesia from ****

Fugue Amnesia

Fugue amnesia is an extremely rare phenomenon in which a person forgets not only his or her past, but his or her very identity. The person may wake up and suddenly have no sense of who they are. He or she looks in the mirror and sees a stranger. In the wallet or purse the person may find identification, but the name and birthdate on the driver's liscense seem meaningless. Usually fugue amnesia heals itself over time. After a while of dissorientation, the person will usually seek assistance and, with therapy, regain his or her identity.

Chapter 1

He might have been able to cope if they hadn't hit him in such a rush. If the killings came at him one at a time, he would have been able to gather himself for the next one. Of course they didn't. He stumbled, not seeing where he was going, but rather each and every single victim he had drained. The memories were vivid, as if they had occurred only yesterday. Not even realizing it, he fell to his knees. Clutching his head, he shut his eyes tightly, trying to block out the visions. His heart thumped violently in his chest, his breath erratic. And then he felt the warmth, enveloping his sensitive skin. His eyes fluttered open, and he craned his neck. There, blinding him from above was the sun. It was all too much. Too much to handle. 

Spike fainted. 

*-|- *-|-*

During her waking hours, Spike was absent from Buffy's life. She set Dawn off to school, went to work, joined her friends at the magic shop, and went patrolling. Never in her routine did the bleached vampire cross her mind. Her dreams were a different story. 

He came every night tormenting her with all that they had done. All that he had made her feel. All that she had thrown away.

She would awaken, tangled in sheets, panting for breath, soaked with sweat, and hot with need. It was killing her. She hated to go to bed. She'd delay sleep, but it was always inevitable. 

The alarm clock went off beside her bed, bringing Buffy away from Spike's pounding within her. She surveyed the sunny room, a little disoriented. A groan escaped her. Then she shut off the alarm. She got up and took a nice long cold shower. Afterward, she felt much better. All images of naked Spike had been erased from her head. 

Buffy was staring into the mirror when there was a loud knock at the door. "Buffy, are you ready for today?"

The slayer blinked, trying to focus. "Huh? Ready for what?" She turned away from her reflection. "Dawn, aren't you supposed to be getting ready for school?"

Behind the door, Dawn replied, "Duh, it's Saturday. Where've you been?"

Boinking Spike in my dreams, Buffy thought. Then she caught herself and pushed the notion aside. He wasn't part of her life anymore. 

Buffy moved to open the door. She held the wet towel around her slim body. Her gaze met her impatient sister. "Sorry, Dawnie, just woke up. Still a little groggy. Of course it's the weekend. So, what was that about being ready for something?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Willow's coming back today. You must really be out of if. We have to pick her up at the airport, remember?"

Buffy's eyes widened. "What time is it?"

"Relax, we've got hours. I'm just nervous. Are you nervous?"

"Of course. I uh, don't know how I'm supposed to act around her anymore. I mean, I hope she's the Willow we remember and not someone else." Buffy came fully out into the hall.

"Do you think two months of rehabilitation is all she needs? Is she really ready to come home? What if it isn't and she goes psycho again?"

Buffy sighed. "I dunno. But Giles and the coven seem to think so."

"Buffy, I'm scared of her," Dawn confessed. "Do I have to come with you to pick her up?"

"Yes. She'll be hurt if you don't."

The teen crossed her arms. "I don't care. She deserves to be hurt."

"Dawnie . . . She's really sorry. I talked to her on the phone."

"You're really forgiving, aren't you, Buffy? If Spike came back all sorry would you forgive him?"

Buffy's eyes became stern. "He has nothing to do with this. He's gone and that is all there is to it."

"But he might come back," Dawn protested.

"He's been gone for almost three months. He's not coming back."

"Three months isn't very long. You were dead for a whole summer. You came back. He could too."

Buffy pushed herself past Dawn. She made her way toward her room. "I have to get dressed."

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I just miss him. I'm awfully pissed off at him, but I miss him."

Buffy usually would have scolded her for using an inappropriate word. Instead, she whispered, "Why don't you go start some breakfast?" Then she went to throw on some clothes. 

*-|- *-|-*

**__**

"I have to go home. Mother will be terribly worried," William told Drusilla. He got to his feet, feeling very light-headed. He wobbled slightly. 

The vampiress laughed. She waggled a finger in front of her face. "I'll have none of that. You belong here, with me now. We can build a family together."

William shook his head. He took a staggering step. "No, you are a monster."

Her hand came out and stroked his cheek. "And so are you. Do you feel it? The demon cries inside you, begging for the sweet lava that burns inside each and every little boy and girl."

The blond shut his eyes tight, struggling to block her out.

"Poor lil' William, lost to all the memories. But that is no longer. Do you know what separates you from William Shayne?" she whispered in his ear. "He had a soul."

*-|- *-|-*

****

The aristocrat's screams filled the air. He wriggled in the vampire's grip. "William, I always liked your poetry. I swear. Please don't kill me," he begged. 

The vampire smirked. He jammed the metal spike through the man's skull. Blood splattered. Taking a finger, he touched the red liquid, and then licked it. 

He stood. "Name's Spike, mate."

*-|- *-|-*

****

He woke up to a blazing landscape. He recognized the sensation of thirst and hunger. Looking around, he saw that he was next to a cave. The ground was flat and barren. The sand beneath his feet was so hot that it could have been on fire. He glanced down to see that he had no shoes on. His attire was completely black, absorbing the beaming rays. 

There were two choices. Either make a go for it and see if civilization was ahead. Or take shade in the cave until nightfall. He took the second one. 

Collapsing in the cool cavern, he scanned his mind. He found a void. Not exactly nothing, but a cloudy space. Like there were things there, but he didn't have access to them. Ok, don't panic. Let's start with where you are. Um, in a cave with desert outside. Not very helpful. Why am I here? No clue. He switched to who he was. Another blank. Checking his pockets, he found no ID either. So, he was a nameless person in the middle of nowhere for no reason. Swell. 

*-|- *-|-*

Dawn fixed blueberry pancakes for them. The younger Summers had been doing most of the cooking lately out of Willow's absence. Buffy would have, but she lacked in the food preparation area, aside from greasy burgers at the DMP. 

A little while later, Dawn found Buffy hovering over the toilet. "Was it really that bad? I thought they were quite good. I didn't burn any that much."

Buffy shifted her head. Her eyes were glassy and she seemed ashen. "I'm fine. Just a little poison from the Doublemeat, I think. Remind me never to eat there again."

"Ok. Are you going to be all right to go to the airport? We could always call Xander. I'm sure he could skip work for it."

The slayer shook her head. She got to her feet, a tad bit unsteady. She flushed the toilet. "No, no. I'll just lie down for a bit. Be good as new in an hour."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." 

Buffy washed her face and then her teeth. Ewww, puke taste! Definite bad.

She entered her room, plopping down on the bed. She snuggled in the pillow, bringing Mr. Gordo to her chest. She fought to control the nausea that still gnawed at her stomach. What she hadn't told Dawn was that she had been getting these cramps quite often lately. The good thing was that after a short rest they went away. She was becoming discouraged, though. If they kept up, she would have to go to the doctor. Something she only did as a last resort. 

Buffy must have dozed off. She heard pounding on her door. "Buffy, time to go pick up Willow," Dawn announced. 

Buffy instantly sat up. She felt way better than before. "All right, I'm coming."

She brushed her hair, putting it up in a twist. She slipped on some shoes and a jacket. Ready to go out. Not ready to meet Willow. 

_________________________________________________

What do you think? Am I handling the amnesia thing ok so far? And Buffy's feelings, how about them? 


	2. ch 2

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Note- I am not an expert on dissociative amnesia. So, I'm guessing here on how Spike's mind is gonna work. If anyone has any knowledge on such an illness please contact me, I'd love to know. 

Oh, and I'm going with the notion that Spike doesn't know how to speak African. In Villains, he replied to what that one guy said, but I think he could have been guessing at what he was saying. 

Chapter 2

When dusk set in, he started to walk. It wasn't long before he reached a village. The people there stopped and stared as he went by. Some looked frightened, and others amazed. 

A dark-skinned man stood outside a hut. He pointed straight at him and went off, talking in an unknown language. 

"Uh, sorry mate, don't speak . . . whatever it is you are speaking," he told the man. 

That only caused the man to talk more frantically. He didn't know any of it, but he thought he caught the word 'vampire'. He shook his head and pushed it aside. 

"English. Anyone here speak English?" Spike scanned the villagers. Some of them jerked their head away when his eyes shifted their way. 

One of the people stepped forward. He was better dressed than most of them, actually having shoes on and all. "I am the only one here who understands you," he informed. 

"Oh, great, a linguist. Look, I'm rather confused here." He pointed behind him, toward where he came from. "I woke up over by this cave and . . ."

The man's eyes widened. "You are the vampire they have been boasting about. You have survived the trials." His voice was full of wonder. 

Spike snorted. "I'm no sodding vampire. My stomachs been growling for some solids for hours. All I want is a telephone. Got one of those?"

"We do not have such technology. I can drive you to town," the man offered.

"Yeah, that would be bloody brilliant." It hit him at that moment that he did know something about himself. He's been talking for a while now, using British terms. He was from the good ol' mother country. He was overcome by relief. At least he found out something. 

*-|-*-|-*

Buffy inspecting the crowd, trying to spot a familiar red-head. She struggled not to think, because that led to uneasiness. Beside her, Dawn was more concerned about her chipped fingernail paint. 

All of a sudden the slayer recognized her long-time friend approaching. She took Dawn's hand and pulled her in the direction of Willow. "Will!" she called, waving. 

A giant grin spread over Willow's face. She came forward, giving Buffy a warm hug. Another woman with long black hair followed behind the witch, but at a slower pace.

"I missed you so much, Buffy!" Willow exclaimed. 

"Yeah," Buffy answered.

They pulled away. The raven-haired woman smiled at them. Willow gestured to her. "Uh, Buffy, this is Cleo."

"Oh, uh, hi." Buffy reached out a hand. 

Cleo shook the offered hand. She studied the slayer with curiosity. "Hello, you must be the slayer. I am pleased to meet you."

"On the phone you didn't mention anyone coming with you," Buffy said to Willow.

"Sorry, I must have forgot. Cleo is one of the coven members. She's going to help me ease back into life. And make sure I'm ready to." The last part was said more softly and with embarrassment. 

Buffy got it. Willow was under probation. 

"I hope it is not a problem, me accompanying your friend," Cleo commented. 

"No, not at all. The couch folds out into a bed if . . ." Buffy started to say.

Cleo shook her head, holding up a hand. "No need. It has all been arranged."

"O-Oh," Buffy replied. 

Willow finally noticed Dawn. The teen had been standing there silent, hoping to be overlooked. "Dawnie, hey."

A glare was sent from Dawn. "Hi," she said coldly.

Willow's eyes fell to the floor.

"Let's go," Buffy suggested. 

"Yeah," Willow agreed. 

*-|-*-|-*

The man drove Spike toward town. He owned a beat up, rusted, truck that barely ran. 

They were going down the road when Spike abruptly yelled, "Stop!"

The man cursed, pushing on the pedal. The vehicle came to a halt. 

Spike jumped out, racing toward the object that had grabbed his attention. On the side of the road was a parked motorcycle. Draped over the handlebar was a leatherjacket. He fished into the pocket and then revealed two keys. One was on a key chain that had the number 11 on it. He guessed the other went in the ignition of the motorcycle.

(AN- the jacket is a new one that he stole or something) 

"Mate, is there a motel round here?"

"Yeah, in the town I'm taken you to," the guy answered.

"Ok then. Mind if I put my wheels in the back of your pick-up?" Somehow he knew for a fact that the motorcycle was his. 

"Go ahead."

Spike managed to heave the cycle into the back of the truck. The man drove him to the motel. He went to room 11 and unlocked the door. 

The place was a dump. Basically there was a mattress and a nightstand. He searched the room for belongings. He found a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, a passport, and a wallet. Inside the wallet was a drivers license with his picture on it. 

(AN- I know you have to have ID to get a passport and driver's license. Let's pretend Spike got a fake birth certificate and stuff, ok?)

William Shayne. Sex, male. Duh. Height, 5' 10". Age 28. 148 lbs. Hair, blond. Eyes, blue. 

None of the information on the card meant anything to him. They didn't spark some kind of recollection of his past. He had a name, age, height, and weight, though. And to his surprise, an address. Sunnydale, California. Sunnydale? Where the bloody hell was that?

He went in search of the motel office. He found it with no trouble. Inside, the carpet was coming up and the walls were chipping. Geez, he couldn't wait to get to some developed country. This place was the pits. 

A man was behind the counter. He looked over at Spike expectantly.

"Got a map?" he asked. "Uh . . . mappo? Pictures on paper to show where things are." He did a few gestures, as if it would help the person to understand what he was searching for. 

The man shook his head. "I speak English. Enough to know what a map is."

"Oh, good."

A wrinkly map was handed over to the blonde. He examined it. "This is Africa. Got any American maps, mate?"

He was given another map, in better shape than the first. Must not have been used as much. He used a finger to scan his way over to the west. California. As much as he tried he could not spot a town called Sunnydale. 

Spike raised his head. "Ever heard of Sunnydale?"

Confusion filled the motel owner. He stared, blankly.

Spike snickered. "Course not." He gave the map back to the man.

He went back to his room. He gathered his few belongings and headed out the door. Time to leave this hell hole. He'd go to England. He must have been born there, and maybe he'd find some family or friends. 

_____________________________________________

So, there is the revised version. He found a Sunnydale address on the license, but can't find it on the map (too small). Thanks everybody for voting on where you want this to lead. I've decided to have Spike continue to England, but have some dreams also. 


	3. ch 3

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

If you haven't read chapter 2 a second time, do so. I changed the ending with Spike in the motel and the driver's license. 

Chapter 3

Buffy and Dawn cooked supper. Well, Buffy boiled the water. Dawn actually cooked the spaghetti and meatballs. She made her mother's sauce, garlic bread, and brownies for dessert. 

They sat in the dining room, very interested in their food. It was uncomfortable and no one knew what to say. 

It was Cleo who decided to break the silence. "This is really good," she commented on the food. Her eyes fixed on Buffy. "Did you do it?"

Buffy turned her fork, wrapping pasta around it. "Um . . . I boiled the water," she confessed.

"Oh," Cleo said. 

"I do most of the cooking around here," Dawn informed. "I'm taking home-ec. class."

"Sure came a long way from the peanut butter tortillas," Willow praised.

"Well, somebody had to do the cooking without you and . . . "

Everybody knew what name Dawn had been about to say. The red-head lowered her gaze, finding the plate of spaghetti and garlic bread very captivating. 

Buffy put down her fork. No, not again, she thought. Her stomach was not accepting food again. 

"Buffy, you ok?" her sister inquired. Her expression showed concern. 

The slayer pushed her plate away. "Yeah. Just the stomach ache returning from this morning. I think I'll go upstairs. Be good as new by morning."

She got up from the table and started out of the room. If she made it to her room in time she was sure that the pain would subside. Maybe she wouldn't even have to make a trip to the bathroom. 

Half way up the stairs, she stopped, holding onto the banister. Ugh, it hurt. Come on, Buffy, you're the slayer, this is nothing compared to being attacked by a demon. She continued her ascend, making it to the top. 

"Buffy?"

Buffy turned around. To her surprise she found Cleo behind her. "Hey."

The witch came up next to Buffy. "You sure you will be okay? I know a healing spell I could . . ."

The slayer shook her head. "No thanks. I just ate something I shouldn't have. I'll be back to my 120% tomorrow."

Cleo's gaze met Buffy's challengely. "Uh , Buffy . . . Are you sure that you only have a bit of food poisoning? I sensed something a little off when I first met you. It hasn't gone away. In fact, it's even more intense."

Buffy's green eyes widened in fright. Images of her mother being taken into surgery filled her brain. She didn't have some disease did she? She had just gotten to the point of wanting to live again. Fear traveled through her, making it hard to breath. 

"Do you have any idea what is wrong with me?" Buffy asked in a whisper.

Cleo touched Buffy's arm in a friendly manner. Her eyes were soft and caring. "I have my suspicions. And I think you do as well."

"Huh?"

"Tell me, Buffy, do you have a boyfriend?"

"What?" Buffy took a step back, puzzled. 

"All I'm saying is . . ." Cleo took in a deep breath. "Buffy you know what I'm saying. In your subconscious you know what is going on with yourself. You are only having trouble accepting it."

"Yeah, I do know what is wrong with me. I ate this gross burger the other day at work. Musta not agreed with me."

"That's not it. I didn't want to be this blunt about it, but- Buffy, when was the last time you had your period?"

At first all Buffy could do was stand there. Her lips parted, but no sound came out. 

"I know you don't want to believe it," Cleo went on. "But, you see, I'm good at looking inside people, knowing how they feel and their body's reaction to things. I don't think I'm wrong about this."

Animation returned to Buffy. "Well, you are! I can't possibly . . . The last person I was with . . . He can't have children. And that was months ago."

"Maybe I'm wrong," Cleo admitted. "I just don't think I am. All I know is something is up. Something that doesn't revolve around food poisoning. You should see a doctor."

"Yeah, I will." Buffy's voice showed no emotion. 

She left, going into her room and shutting the door. It was dark accept from the slight moonlight that streamed in through the open blinds. In a trance, she stripped her clothes and then slipped on a blue nightgown. She pulled back the sheets on her bed and crawled underneath them. The room would have been generally warm to the majority of people, but it felt cold to her. She tugged the covers up to her chin. She lay there, not closing her eyes. A long while passed where she didn't even move. Her eyes stared up at the ceiling, blankly.

All of a sudden, she caved in. Her strength disintegrated, leaving her sobbing in helplessness. She had never seemed so alone before. And she had experienced the feeling quite often. But never as strong as this. 

She curled up in a fetal position. She had the urge to cry out to someone. Her mother. She wanted her mother. 

I'm so messed up, Buffy thought. What have I done to myself?

*+ *+* +*

**__**

This dream was different than the others. This was a fact because she knew that she was dreaming this time. 

He came forward with those blue eyes. The eyes that were so filled with love and tenderness. She hated those eyes. 

"Where have you been?" She demanded. 

"I've been lost," he replied. 

She laughed. "Lost? Where the hell are you to have gotten lost?"

He rewarded her with his famous smirk. "I don' t know where I am. If I did I wouldn' t be lost. Doesn't matter, luv. I'm lost wherever you aren' t."

"Well, are you ever coming back?" she asked. 

"I'm tryin. Gotta find my way." 

She took him in. He wasn 't wearing a shirt and her gaze lingered on his handsomely muscular chest. The sight built up her arousal. She took a step toward him. 

"Why do you do this to me!?" she yelled at him.

He lifted an eyebrow. "Do what, pet?"

"This."

Buffy rammed into him, making him hit the wall. Her mouth smashed against his lips, Spike's tongue invading her mouth, caressing hers. A tiny moan escaped her throat. They parted, both panting.

She wiped her mouth, disgusted with herself. Fire burned in her stare. "Why do you do this to me!?"

Spike gripped her shoulders and yanked her to him. She slammed against his stiffness, making her gasp. 

"Because you want me," he stated. His hand made its way under her nightgown. "And I'm part of you."

She violently shook her head. "You 'are' not a part of me!"

Her silky gown was roughly brought up over her head and tossed aside. His hands cupped her bare breasts. "Yes I am. And there's nothin you can do about it. Not now."

Spike removed his dark jeans, relieving himself. She wanted him. It didn' t matter how much she tried not to. She wanted him to be in her. God, she wanted him to 'be' in her forever. 

They fell on the bed, kissing and touching each other everywhere. He slid into her without warning. Her head was thrown back and she cried out. Her nails dug into his back, almost certain to leave marks.

Grinding into her, Buffy knew her control would soon perish, throwing her over the edge. 

"You are a part of me. I am a part of you. Admit it," he gasped out.

She couldn' t get any words out. Her body began to convulse. She exploded, screaming. Spike came simultaneously. 

Afterward, he rolled off her. He propped himself up on an elbow. His hand came out, fingers pressing on her middle. "I'm in you, Buffy. Even now, when we aren' t shagging our self into oblivion." He took his hand off and replaced it with his ear. "I can hear it."

*+ *+* +*

Buffy awoke, springing upward. Her hand immediately went to her stomach. "Oh god!" she said in horror. 

_________________________________________

: ) Well, I hope you are enjoying this. We'll see what Spike is up to next chapter. 


	4. ch 4

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

I added a teeny tiny bit to chapter 1. It is sort of a memory/dream Spike has while being unconscious. Just to let you guys know. It doesn't change the plot any, but it might enhance it. 

Chapter 4

Spike jerked awake. He sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Images of 'her' filled his brain. The dreams started about three days ago. Not too long, but long enough to frustrate him. She haunted him in his waking hours as well. Her luscious body would pop in his thoughts during the oddest of times. He felt connected to her. He knew her inside and out, even if he recalled never meeting her in reality. He wondered if his imagination had simply made her up.

He got out of bed, grabbing his shirt. He pulled the black cloth over his head. He needed new clothes. Since his awakening, the outfit he had on now was the only thing he had worn. If he kept this up people would start holding their noses as he walked by.

Today was the day where things had to change. The money that accompanied the wallet was gone, so the hotel room he was currently occupying wouldn't be available tomorrow. A night on the streets of England didn't appeal to him. Either he would have to find a job by the end of the day or . . . But who would grant a guy who only knew his name, height, and weight work?

Trying to calm himself, he walked over to the window. He opened the curtains, letting in the streaming light. As always, it blinded him, making him squint. It was getting better, however. His vision seemed to gradually be becoming used to the sun's bright rays. He was beginning to believe that he actually lived in that cave he woke up by. Wherever he had been it must have been dark. His skin was another indication of that. With his white hair along with pale complexion, he would have thought himself an albino if it wasn't for his blue eyes. A chuckle escaped his lips at that.

He went into the bathroom to start his morning ritual. He brushed his teeth and then took a shower. Afterward he stared into the mirror. He leaned over the sink. "Hello, William Shayne," he told the reflection.

A frown marred his face. The person he saw didn't seem to be him. The name sounded wrong as well. And no matter how many times he gazed into the mirror and said his name outloud, his feelings never changed. 

* + * + * + *

A tapping came on Buffy's door. The slayer rolled over in bed with a moan. "What?" she snapped.

"Willow just left," Dawn told her from the hall. "All her stuff is gone now, so . . . um Mom's room is open. What are we gonna do with it?"

Not now, Buffy thought. "We'll figure it out later, Dawn." Silently, she knew exactly what they would do with it.

"Ok." There was a pause. "Do you know what time it is?"

"No," Buffy said.

"Almost time for you to go to work."

"Not going."

"But . . . Are you not feeling well still?"

"No."

"Oh, well, rest up then. I'll be at Janice's."

Buffy didn't want to move. Ever. In fact, she wanted to fade away from existence. Numbness had taken over her body. It was like right after she had come back from heaven. She simply couldn't feel, or rather, wouldn't let herself. 

The day before she had went to the doctor. Cleo had been right, she was pregnant. Almost four months now. With Spike's baby. No one knew yet, except herself and the witch. 

What she was going to do she had no idea. She could barely support herself and Dawn, let alone a child. Each month it took all the money they had to make the house payment and groceries. And Social Services, oh God! They'd take her sister away for sure. A 21 year-old woman who worked at a fast-food joint with a baby out of wedlock. Sure, they'd love that. They'd say, "We adore your parenting skills. Dawn is in safe hands." Yeah right!

The numbness started to evaporate, being replaced by anger. Spike had to run off, didn't he? Big hypocrite. Always telling her not to run when things got tough. But when it gets too hard for him . . . Now her baby would have to grow up without a father. Or maybe not. There were . . . options. 

Tears broke. She put her face in her hands. What was she thinking? She couldn't possibly . . . That wasn't an option. She had always thought that slayers couldn't have children. This was a miracle. A huge miracle if you tossed in the fact that Spike was a vampire. You don't throw miracles away. 

Buffy dried her eyes. Realization hit then. This was her fault. Not Spike's. She had been the one demanding comfort. She was the one to drive him away. The bathroom incident would have never happened if she would have stopped the insane affair earlier. 

Yes, this was Buffy's fault. This was her fault . . . And she would make it right. 

* + * + * + *

Buffy pounded on Cleo and Willow's apartment door. Buffy hadn't seen inside it yet, but she guessed it was pretty nice. It was in the same building Xander lived in. Willow had probably planned it that way.

The door opened to display Cleo. She had her hair up in a pony-tail and held a spatula. Buffy pointed to the utensil. "Busy?" 

"I was fixing myself a grilled cheese sandwich," Cleo answered. "If you are looking for Willow she isn't here. She's out with her friend, Xander."

"Actually, I came to see you," Buffy told her.

A surprised expression came over Cleo's face. "Me? What for?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "I need a spell."

"Buffy I don't . . ."

Then Cleo saw the desperation in the slayer's eyes. The sadness. 

"You were right, Cleo. I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. I can't do this alone. I can't. Please, please will you do this spell for me? Normally I don't like magic, but this time it is my only choice," Buffy pleaded. 

Cleo let the girl in. "I'll do it."

Buffy nodded. "Thank you."

"If I may ask, what is it for? I'm not doing anything to . . . harm the baby or make it so it never happened."

Buffy's eyes widened. "No! I wouldn't do that! It already crossed my mind and I pushed it away. I couldn't."

"Good."

"I-I . . ." Buffy swallowed. "I need to either find someone or bring them to me."

Understanding filled the witch. "I see. I can do that." She smiled. "Right after I eat my sandwich."

Buffy laughed through her tears. 

_____________________________________________________

Which do you think it should be: a summoning spell or a location spell? I can't decide. 

I've got ideas for this fic. It isn't just going to be Buffy and Spike meet again, Spike gets his memories back, they live happily ever after. Nope, it is going to be a little more involved than that. And Spike being human will not be so simple either.


	5. ch 5

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Thanks, guys, for the reviews. I've thought it over and decided on doing the locating spell. Most people wanted a summoning spell and I actually started writing it that way, but changed it. I have better ideas for Buffy going to England. It'll make the story more involved and longer. Hope you guys like it. I have a big bad thought up and everything. : )

Chapter 5

Cleo scanned through a magic book. "A summoning spell would be the best, but there is no guarantee as to how long it would take."

On the other end of the blue couch sat Buffy. She leaned over to glance at the page. "How long could it take?"

"That's the thing, it varies. He could rush right over . . . or not. Sometimes the person will resist the urge to leave where they are."

The irony of the situation was not lost to Buffy. She had spent what seemed like forever trying to kick Spike out of town. He was always there, a nuisance that seemed to never go away. And here she was attempting to force him back. 

"I really can't wait five months," the slayer said. "Maybe we should do a location spell." 

She didn't have the money for a trip, but she was sure it would pay off in the long run. It was ridiculous, but she felt that everything would be okay when Spike came home. All the pieces that had scattered around, creating a mess, would fall back into place. '**_I'm part of you.' _** Could it be true? Could Spike complete her in some way? 

Cleo placed the book down on the coffee table. "We'll try the location spell. I'm gonna need a world map."

"Willow's bound to have one. She has all the brainy stuff," Buffy said. 

They went over to the accumulation of Willow's unpacked boxes. Thankfully, she had labeled each one. One was marked 'School supplies.' Inside were texts, an atlas was among them. 

It didn't take long to set up. Apparently the process was quite simple. It required an item that the person being found had touched. Buffy ran home and came back with Spike's leather duster. She placed it in the circle of white candles. 

"That'll do fine, " Cleo commented. 

"It's not going to ruin it, is it? I mean, it won't go poof or anything?" Buffy had actually grown attached to the worn coat. She'd take it out when the dreams became too much to handle. 

Cleo laughed. "No, it'll just get a scent of lavender from the incense."

She knew it was stupid, but Buffy wished she had chosen something else. Like his Kiss the Librarian mug. Making his coat smell like flowers was wrong. Oh well, this spell would work and then he could come back to replenish its fragrance of smoke and alcohol. 

Cleo stood in the circle and began the spell. Buffy stood back as she called the elements to come forth. The lit incense spread through the room and hit Buffy's nostrils. She watched in fascination as the raven-haired beauty chanted some unknown tongue. She had no idea what was being said, but she was positive that Cleo pronounced it just right. She could have sworn that she could picture the magic flowing through the witch. 

Cleo took a crystal pendulum suspended on a silver chain and placed it over the open atlas. It swayed back and forth at first, then started to gather speed, going round and round in a circle. It went faster and faster and Buffy was sure that it would fly out of Cleo's hand any second. Instead, however, it abruptly stopped. 

Glancing up, Cleo's gaze fixed on Buffy. "He's in England. London to be exact."

*+ *+* +*

He knew he shouldn't be there. He only had ten bucks left and he should be saving it for food. But this was Spike afterall, even if he was human now with a blank memory; and when things got brutal he banished it with booze. 

"Bourbon," he ordered.

The bartender was a short little man with glasses. Not the kind of person you usually would see serving drinks in a pub. If you would place him it would either be as a teacher or watcher. Not that Spike remembered what a watcher was, but anyways . . . He poured the drink into a shot glass. He pushed it toward Spike. The ex-vamp gulped it down quickly.

Spike motioned for another drink and the bartender complied. "Rough day?"

A snort came from Spike. "A whole bloody week," he replied. 

"Ah, I see."

Spike swallowed down the burning substance. "Fresh out of dough, got amnesia or somethin of that sort, and I've been going out of my mind with these dreams of some chit. Sorta became an obsession."

"Wow, and I thought the fight me and the Mrs. had last night was bad." He poured another glass full of alcohol. "Here, this one's on me."

Spike took it, gratefully. "Thanks, mate."

The man studied him. "You say you're broke?"

He nodded. "Down to my last bill."

"You know, I could use some help here. Want a job?" 

A smile came to Spike's lips. "Bloody wonderful, thanks."

"Okay, you can start tomorrow."

*+ *+* +*

Buffy blinked. "London. As in Giles London?"

"There is only one London that I know of, Buffy," Cleo said.

The slayer plopped down on the couch. "What is he doing in London!?" She had suddenly become mad. It didn't make any sense. He had to be somewhere, and England was a perfectly valid place to be. She had known that he was not around before and accepted it, so why all of a sudden couldn't she now?

"Um, Buffy, would you rather he be in Iraq?"

She shook her head. "No. But why couldn't he have stayed in the US? He's in another time zone for crying out loud." She sighed, getting back up again. "Guess I'm off to Great Britain."

Cleo grabbed her arm. "Buffy . . .?" 

"Yeah?"

An expression of worry had spread over Cleo's features. "I think I . . . felt something while I was doing the spell."

Confusion came over Buffy. "Felt something? What kind of something?"

"I don't know for sure, but it was bad. Negative energy."

"Great. Is it the apocalypse kind of negative energy?"

"No, I don't think it is that drastic. It is more centered around Spike."

Buffy's eyes widened. "On Spike? Don't tell me he got the chip out and is back to his demony ways? I so don't want to have to stake him." Truth was, she didn't think she could if it came to that. Not when he was the father of her unborn baby. She couldn't face her daughter or son asking about daddy and remembering how she had turned him to dust. 

"It's not like that. It isn't 'him', but something 'around' him."

"Huh!?"

"I think something is after him. An evil not-good something," Cleo said plainly.

Okay, not of the good. But at least Buffy wouldn't have to kill him. She'd just be killing something else. A lot bigger. And scarier. While pregnant. Gee, being the slayer sure sucked about 99% of the time. 

___________________________________________________

What do you guys think? I'll be throwin Giles in the mix probably next chapter. Some people wanted Angel and group. Don't think that'll be happening folks. I've already got 2 other fics that I'm working on with the AI peeps, can't handle another one. Nah, this one is only for the Scoobies. 


	6. ch 6

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

I'm sort of discouraged. There is a poll on the UPN website. Most think Spike is evil and shouldn't be with Buffy. About 5 more percent than those for S/B. I know it is dumb, but I can't help thinking that the writers might use this poll to decide how the show goes. Please you guys, go vote for Spike and Buffy at http://upn.com/shows/buffy. It might effect the future of our favorite characters. 

Oh, and though I hate the fact that fanfiction.net banned NC-17, I will still be posting on here. So, no worries about not being able to read this. 

Chapter 6

Buffy announced her departure at The Magic Box. She told them that she needed to see Giles, which wasn't a lie. 

"Why, Buff? Something big goin down?" Xander questioned. He sat at the round table with Willow and Dawn.

"I'll explain it all when I get back." She knew she was being cryptic, but they wouldn't be able to handle the whole truth. Especially Xander with his extreme disgust for Spike. He'd surely prevent her from even stepping out the door. 

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm staying here, aren't I?"

A sigh escaped Buffy. "I'm afraid so." She shifted her eyes to land on Xander and Willow. "Could you guys look after her?"

"Sure, Buffy. Will and I can do it together," Xander told her.

Behind the register, Anya spoke up. "I can help too!"

"Thanks." She glanced at Anya. "All of you."

The vengeance demon grinned. Poor Ayanka was trying so hard to be part of the group. She knew that the only reason they originally let her in was because of Xander. Now that the two were separated, she feared that they would forget about her. What she didn't see was that she had become a full-fledged Scooby. She'd helped them numerous times and Buffy wouldn't over look that. 

Late afternoon approached and Buffy called Giles. She calculated time difference and assured herself that it was an appropriate time to do so. He answered on the third ring. 

"Hello?"

Buffy gripped the phone tighter at the sound of his voice. "Giles?"

"Buffy, is that you?"

"Yeah," she answered.

"Is everything all right?"

Now there was a question. She gave a humorless laugh. "On apocalypse scale, or bad hairday scale?"

"Buffy . . . Are 'you' all right?"

A span of silence came before she replied. "I need to see you. Can I come for a visit?"

"Don't you think it would be best if I came to see you?"

"No! You've already hopped on a plane to fly across the ocean. It's my turn," she explained. 

"Do you think that would be wise? Anything could happen to the hellmouth in your absence."

"Giles, I was gone for 146 days. A week or two is nothing. I'm sure the gang can handle things. Besides, Cleo is here. She can use some powerful mojo on some nasty that appears."

"Uh, Buffy . . . Did you say two weeks? This must be a crucial matter. What is so grave that you need to be here for two weeks?"

Buffy shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "I-I can't tell you over the phone. And it might be less than two weeks. It depends on how long it takes."

"Takes? Buffy. . .?"

"I'm sorry, Giles, you must be so frustrated not knowing what is up. You'll find out, but not over the phone."

"What about your job. I doubt the Double Meat Palace will grant you vacation time."

Damn, she hadn't thought of that. Work had totally slipped her mind. "I dunno, Giles. I'll probably get fired."

"Buffy are you thinking rationally about this!?" His voice came out more rash than he intended. He wasn't upset with her actions as he was worried as to why they were being made. 

"I'll get another job. I need a new one anyway."

"I hope you have valid reason for doing all this, Buffy. I'll have you know that I will be reimbursing you for the flight."

"No, you've done enough for me already. This is all my idea, I . . ."

"I insist. If this is as important as it sounds then you don't need to be worrying about another expense."

"Thanks, Giles," she said softly.

"I'm always here for you."

"I know. See you soon."

"Goodbye, Buffy."

She hung up the phone, putting it back in the cradle. She leaned heavily against the wall. It all suddenly sunk in. She was going to be a mother. A dozen emotions passed through her at that moment. Of course she was scared. A part of her feared that she would never find Spike and she would have to face this alone. Another was wonder. Something alive grew inside her. It was a part of her . . . a part of her and Spike. There was confusion. How was this possible? Spike was supposedly dead and unable to reproduce. Then again, neither of them followed the rules. She was also grateful. This was a miracle that she had wished for back in her early high school days. The thought of being a parent and having a family had evaporated soon after her encounter with the Master. It was a known fact that slayers didn't live long. And she felt hope. Hope that she would get to Spike and he would never leave her again. Hope that she could find a way to love him freely back, and be the first of her kind to raise a child. 

The fact that water had filled her eyes escaped her until they began to trickle down her cheeks. She went over to the window and gazed out. The sunlight filtered in through the glass, filling her with warmth. A new confidence coursed through her veins. 

Her hand roamed to rest on her abdomen.

"We're gonna find your daddy, baby. And no demon, vampire, or hellgod is going to take him away from us," she vowed.

In another dimension, almost touching our own, the Eliminator (not a demon, vampire, or hellgod, but something else entirely) laughed at the slayer's ignorance. 

______________________________________________

I know this is short. I have more written, but I'm lacking time to type it out at the moment. I'm going somewhere in about an half hour. I'll try to get more out tomorrow for you all. Thanks for reading and I'd appreciate any comments, constructive criticism, or plain out praise you have. 


	7. ch 7

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 7

Buffy was in some unknown house. The room was dark and she fumbled around for a lightswitch. She found one on the wall. Flipping it up, the room became engulfed in light. There was a couch and TV. A stereo system had been set up, with CDs stacked beside it. 

"What are you doing here, luv?"

She spun around. There he was in all his glory, bare muscled chest and all. His blond hair was tousled in different directions. The jeans he wore on were unbuttoned, indicating that he threw them on quickly.

She faced him, crossing her arms. "Don't tell me I woke you," she said. 

He took a step toward her. "Actually, yeah, ya did."

"It's night, Spike. Shouldn't you be up and about, you being nocturnal and all?"

He flashed her his famous smirk. "Things change, luv."

She nodded. "Yeah, they do." Her hand came up clutching a CD of Billy Idol. "Apparently not your taste in music."

"Ha ha, very funny, slayer."

The atmosphere changed. Buffy put down the CD. "Spike, why are you here?"

"Good as any other place."

"I need you."

He chuckled. "Always needin me for something."

She sighed. "This time is different."

"Oi, yeah? Not wantin to feel? No apocalyptic danger?"

"No," she whispered.

He came up, only a few inches from her face. "I'm not comin back until you need me ta love you."

"I've always needed you to love me. I've never needed to love 'you' before."

"Buffy," he breathed. 

*+ *+* +*

Buffy woke up. She brought the covers up to her chin, feeling very cold. 

Why did she have to dream about him? She was already tormented in the daytime, she didn't need it while asleep as well.

She rolled over, trying to get comfortable. I'm going to make this right, she thought. For me, for Spike, and for our baby.

*+ *+* +*

On the other side of the globe, Spike opened his eyes as well. He had been taking a nap, not getting much sleep last night. Apparently, he wouldn't get much now either. After he had a dream about 'her' it was a lost cause of ever drifting back off. 

He turned his head to check the clock. About time to get ready for work anyway.

Things were going pretty well. He had a job and a small, but cozy flat. If only he could get 'her' out of his head. His arousal grew when he thought of her. His heart raced. He wanted her, he knew, but he couldn't have her. They would cause each other pain. He didn't have any memories, only a black hole sucking him dry; but he still had feelings. And his feelings told him he had to stay away from 'her'.

*+ *+* +*

Dawn interrupted Buffy's packing. The slayer tucked her folded blue shirt in the suitcase and looked up.

"Did you want something, Dawnie?"

"Why are you doing this, Buffy? I think I deserve to know," Dawn demanded.

"I'll explain everything . . ."

"Yeah, when you get back, I know." The teen came over to her sister. "I'm worried. Something is wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be doing this. Is there some demon wanting to end the world, or does this have something to do with just you?"

Buffy shut the suitcase. "Actually a little of both," she answered.

"That so didn't reassure me. Actually, I think I got more worried. I'm not a child, I can handle what's going on. Come on, at least give me the basics. I'm only gonna find out later anways."

Defeated, Buffy sat down on the bed. "Cleo sensed a negative force in London. We don't know what it is or how dangerous it is."

"It's in another continent, Buffy. You never seemed to care about dark forces other places before." Dawn's eyes sudden widened in realization. "Giles. You're concerned for Giles."

It would have been so easy to simply says yes and let her think that was the only reason she was leaving. But Buffy was sick of lies. She hated lying to others, having others lie to her, and most of all lying to herself. 

"I'm worried about Giles, but there is another reason I'm going as well," she confessed.

"What is it?"

The expression Dawn gave her made her crumble. No one ever told the teen anything, she was always the last one to find out. Dawn loved Spike like a big brother. So maybe it would be okay to tell her the truth. Not the complete truth, ¾ maybe.

"Spike," Buffy found herself say. 

Shocked, Dawn said, "Huh? You are going to England because of Spike?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. Cleo did a locating spell. He's in London. Hopefully Giles can help me find him."

"What about the negative force you mentioned?"

"Oh, uh, Cleo sensed that when she spotted Spike."

"And you don't know anything about it?"

Except that it's centered around Spike, Buffy thought. But she didn't need to worry Dawn with that. Wasn't anything the former key could do to help. This was her problem. As a slayer . . . and ( what was she to Spike?) and . . . the mother of Spike's child. 

"Not really," Buffy said. "Whatever it is I'll kick it's a . . . butt, fetch Spike, after showing him how pissed I am for his disappearing act, and come on home. I've handled worse."

"I don't know, Buffy. You know how much trouble Spike gives us. But we love him anyway."

For once Buffy didn't argue. She had come to realize that she did have feelings about the bleached vampire. How deep they went were yet to be determined. 

________________________________________________

Next chapter, Buffy finally lands in England. I'll try to make it longer. Can't guarantee any Spuffy action, though. Giles and Buffy interaction. Okay, not even close to S/B, but it's something. Right? Hey, just be patient. 


	8. ch 8

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 8

The baby wasn't too keen about the plane ride. Buffy managed not to actually heave, however. She passed on the meal and sat as still as possible. By the time they landed her stomach had calmed down. Giles was there to meet her. He was a gentleman and took her luggage. 

They hugged before getting into his car. "It's good to see you again, Buffy."

She gazed into his fatherly eyes. "It is," she agreed. 

"I trust that you will go into detail as to why you are here."

She reluctantly nodded. "As soon as we get to your place."

Buffy got into the passenger seat, while Giles settled behind the wheel. The car pulled out of the airport, and onto the main road. The whole driving on the left was a pretty weird concept.

"How are the others?" Giles inquired.

"We're good. Been quiet all summer." She smiled. "What is up with June and July anyway? The nasties seem to take a break then."

"I wouldn't know. I am not a demon. And when I was, it was only for one day."

Buffy's smile broadened at the memory of Giles becoming a Fharl demon. 

"Is Willow adjusting well?" Giles's asked.

  
"We haven't had much one-on-one time. She doesn't mention what happened. I think she'd rather forget."

"That's only natural. She has tremendous guilt with what she has done." He glanced over at the young woman beside him. "I wouldn't have sent her back if I thought she wasn't ready. I'm convinced that she will never lose such control again."

The conversation switched to more light matters: the Magic Box, Dawn's schooling, etcetera. The drive was too short, and Buffy soon found herself facing Giles's new place. It was gray with a white door. The outside appearance hinted that the inside wouldn't be half-bad. Which ended up being correct. Buffy considered asking for a tour in order to prolong the time before her confession.

Giles led Buffy into the well-furnished living room. "Let's sit down," he suggested. 

Panic came over her. Great, this is it, I'm gonna have to tell, she realized. She sat down on his sofa, staring at her hands. She searched her mind for anything that would avoid talking about why she was there. 

"Nice place. You like it more than your last?"

He didn't answer. Instead he asked, "Why are you here, Buffy?"

She sighed. What would he think of her? Would he be angry with her? Or would he laugh? She hoped he could find a middle-ground: serious, concerned, yet understanding.

"Buffy, you have to tell me. Otherwise, I won't be able to help," he said at her long pause.

"I know," she replied. "But I don't know how. You're going be so disappointed in me."

"Even if that is so, you can't avoid this conversation. This trip would be meaningless otherwise."

Buffy shut her eyes, wanting to be somewhere else. She knew it was horrible, but she wished she was back in heaven right then. There were no worries there, only contentment and love. Things had been so simple when she had been dead.

She was snapped out of her pondering by Giles. "Buffy?"

Her head shot up. "Oh, yeah . . . sorry," she stammered.

The ex-watcher laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Please, Buffy, you can tell me anything."

Some of her fear died with that. This was Giles. Her father, not biologically, but in her heart. If she couldn't confide in him, who could she confide in?

"You remember me telling you about Spike and me, right?"

He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. "Uh, yes . . . of course."

Her green eyes met his. "I've got to find him."

He removed his glasses. "I don't understand, Buffy. Why tell me this?"

"He's here, in London."

He began to wipe the glasses with his shirt. "I see. And you want my help?"

"Yes." There was a pause. "And your guidance. Giles. . . I'm pregnant."

As she said the words he had been bringing up the glasses to replace them over his eyes. They fell from his fingers to rest on his lap. The man made no motion to pick them back up. 

"Giles?" Buffy asked after he had frozen.

Giles slowly turned his head. "Excuse me, Buffy. Did you just tell me that you were pregnant?"

She nodded. "Uh huh. And Giles. . . it's Spike's."

"Dear Lord!"

* + * + * + *

He read a book on dreaming. It said that it was possible to condition yourself to control your dreams. He was trying to find a way to exclude 'her' from his slumber. He certainly hadn't wanted to replace her with this, however.

Bodies lay all around him. Some had their necks broken, while others were bloodied. He ran, attempting to escape. The heaps of dead seemed never ending, going on forever. He found himself stepping on one. Horrified, he stumbled backwards. The woman's eyes shot open, making him yelp They were black and hollow. 

She sat up. Her gaze transfixed him. "I was going to get married."

Spike blinked. "Uh . . ."

"You stole my day away from me." She abruptly stood up, charging at him. 

He bolted away. He heard whispers from behind. Accusations, crying, screams, and threats. They all thought that he had killed them. 

Suddenly something came in front of him and slammed him to the ground. He raised his head to see 'her'. She had her arms crossed, legs slightly parted. She stared down at him with disgust. 

"You are an evil thing. You can't feel anything," she spat. 

Violently, he shook his head in protest. 

"Yes. You killed them all. Women, men, and even children."

"No," he moaned. 

"And you killed me."

He put his head in his hands. He rocked slightly back and forth. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

The air changed to a bitter cold wind. "You will never be a man after what you have done. And you no longer can be a demon. You shouldn't even exist" This was no longer 'her' voice, but something else. Something dark. It pounded inside him, wanting to rip his insides out. 

Spike tore at his hair, begging to be left alone. 

"I am coming for you."

Spike awoke, gasping. He snatched the lucid dreaming book on the nightstand. Bloody book! Great help it had given him. He threw it across the room. It hit the wall, near the door.

Sodding waste of money. 

* + * + * + *

Giles had his arms around his sergeant daughter. She was crying softly now. "I'm so sorry," she murmured.

The man didn't think he had ever hugged someone this long before. Refined English, especially watchers, weren't too familiar with such affections. True he had done such with the scoobies in Sunnydale, but they had never been this needy. Although slightly uncomfortable at first, he was starting to get used to the contact. And he was glad to give his comfort, even if it was a tremendous amount this time around. 

"I keep screwing up. I'm supposed to be a responsible adult. Look where I've ended up. Pregnant by some evil vampire. I'm the slayer, I shouldn't be screwing up like this." She pulled back a little. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Oh, Buffy . . ." He touched the side of her face. "You are the best slayer I could have hoped for. Everyone makes mistakes. Even slayers. That doesn't mean they aren't good. On the contrary, it makes them better. People grow from their mistakes."

She shook her head. "I didn't flunk my driving test, Giles. I don't get a second chance at a perfect score. I got knocked up. By Spike! And nothing can change that. It is the worst possible thing I could have done. And the really bad part is it doesn't feel as horrible as it should."

He met her eyes. "Maybe it isn't so horrible."

Shocked, her eyes widened. "What!? Giles, this is Spike," she protested.

"There must be a reason why the rules were broken for you. Vampires, aren't supposed to have children," he stated.

"Yeah, I know. Of course, I know. I'm the slayer."

"Yes, you are. No slayer has ever been recorded as being pregnant. The council wasn't even sure they were capable of procreating. Do you know what a rarity this is?"

"I'm beginning to. So, you're saying this is not of the bad?"

"I'm not saying that your relationship with Spike is right. Everything about it is wrong. What I'm saying is that all the details about this baby's formation point to it having a higher purpose."

Buffy leaned back into the couch cushion. "So I could be carrying some messiah? Like Moses or something?"

Giles gave her a warm smile. "Considering your achievements, I wouldn't be surprised if it were capable of parting the Red Sea."

"You think?" She smiled back at him.

There was a span of silence, both of them just being there together. 

Finally, Buffy broke the quiet. "About Spike . . ."

"Yes, about Spike."

"He needs to know, Giles."

He nodded. "Yes, I agree." He stared at her intently. "Do you love him?"

She violently shook her head. "No," she said, forcefully. 

The older man lifted an eyebrow. "No?"

She bowed her head. "I mean, I don't think . . ." Her head lifted again. "Do I?"

"That is something you will have to figure out for yourself. It is clear that your feelings are strong. You came all this way to find him."

"Yeah," she admitted.

"Then that is precisely what we shall do."

He was hit by another hug. "Thanks, Giles."

_______________________________________________

Wow, I feel pretty good about this chapter. I changed Spike's dream. Originally it had him running through the forest with the dark force coming after him. I hope this one was better. And I added more dialogue to Buffy and Giles conversation. Yep, I like how it turned out. Ended up being quite a bit longer than before for you guys, which is always a plus. ; ) 


	9. ch 9

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Hey, sorry for the delay. I've been . . . well sort of busy, but a tad lazy too. Sorry, guys. Also for some reason I got stuck on this part. The whole eliminator part was a tough thing to do for some reason. 

Oh, and a quick question: Is the word flat strictly used for apartments? If so, I made a boo-boo. Giles lives in a house not an apartment. 

And now for the chapter you've all been waiting for. . . 

Chapter 9

For the past few hours they had been trying to access a list of new residences for the last two months. So far they hadn't made much progress. Buffy had been very surprised to discover that Giles had purchased a computer. This was the guy who didn't even own a decent television. His excuse had been that he could send information to Sunnydale with no trouble. When logging on, however, his messenger popped up with eight contacts. 

"Giles, you chat?"

"Uh . . ."

"Just face it, you've been sucked into the twenty-first century." She laughed. "Hanging around us young people has corrupted your conservative ways." 

After spending hours, struggling to hack, they had become frustrated and moody. 

Giles hit the keyboard with a fist. "Bloody concoction!" 

"Should I call Willow?"

"Please do," he replied with relief.

Heading to the phone, she abruptly stopped. She couldn't call Will. She would have to give details. Details she wasn't ready to tell.

Giles looked over. "What is it?"

"I can't call Willow. She'll need to know who I'm looking for."

He took off his glasses. "You haven't told the others?"

"No," she replied softly.

He sighed. "Buffy, you can't keep running and hiding from things."

"I know. I should call. Can I take a walk to clear my head beforehand? Prepare what to say?"

"Good idea, do that."

She gave a weak smile before stepping outside. She took in a deep, refreshing, breath, relieved to be alone. She sat down on the steps, looking up at the cloudy sky, which seemed to match her emotions.

* + * + * + *

Spike hadn't been able to concentrate all day. Not that he had been able to before because of 'her', yet now he was filled with disturbance.

It was only a dream, he kept telling himself. So why did he feel so much guilt? He couldn't have killed those people. Not in his mere twenty-eight years, even if he tried. 

He shook his head. This was ridiculous. He wasn't a killer. Hell, he had taken a bug he had found outside instead of squishing it the other day. You don't save insects and turn around to shoot a human being. 

No, it had to have only been a dream. An awful one, but that was all it had been.

Time to go to work rolled around. He dragged himself out of the house, trying to evade his worries. Focus on real life, mate, he told himself. 

The sky was overcast and he missed the sun. In two months, since his awakening, he had grown used to the light. His skin had some color, and his eyes no longer squinted from the glare. The concept of getting a car arose a couple times but he quelled it. For some reason he couldn't bring himself to ride in a shady automobile. Maybe he shouldn't have sold the motorcycle. Oh well, the walk to work was good exercise.

He ended up in an alley, which was part of his normal route. He had walked through it everyday since getting his job at the pub, but there was something off about it this time. He halted, surveying the ground and building on either side. Nothing appeared to be wrong.

Spike shrugged and moved his feet forward again. That dream must have screwed with his brain more than he thought. No problem, all he had to do was prove to himself that his life was normal. That he was a mundane guys, not a murdering monster. 

At that moment, a black figure popped in front of him. The person. . . no not a person. . . A demon? The thing wore a long cloak that covered its features. It lifted its arm. A long bony finger slipped out of the baggy sleeve, and pointed directly at Spike.

Spike took a step backward. A dream- He was still sleeping. Had to be.

The reaper-like-creature lifted his head. Where a face should be, all Spike saw was dark nothingness, that is except two glowing golden eyes. Like cat eyes in the night, he thought.

"I said I was coming, William Shayne. Or is it Spike?" Laughter, that was closer to shrieking, came from it. The finger never wavered. His voice was booming, and Spike was sure his bones would crack from the force of it.

"No, you're neither. You're nothing now. You shouldn't exist," it continued.

Spike couldn't move or speak. All he could do was stare, waiting for it to end. To wake up or . . .

Blue lightning escaped the finger. It crackled, shooting with speed right at Spike. 

* + * + * + *

Buffy sat peacefully for about fifteen minutes, trying to put the pieces of her thoughts together. All of a sudden her heart sped up. She jumped to her feet, slayer alertness taking over. Something wasn't right. She could feel it deep inside her, coursing through her veins. 

Her legs sprinted, directing her where to go. It was all a blur until she slowed, coming to an alley. She was greeted by a dark form looming over a man. There was a crackling sound and sparks began to shoot out of the cloaked figure. Without pausing to a take in the scene, Buffy rammed into the male, tackling him out of the way. They both ended up on the ground, Buffy ontop.

"Bloody hell!"

Time stopped. Buffy had to remind herself to breath. In slow motion she lowered her gaze.

"Sp-ike?" she choked.

Memories of being in this exact position raced through her brain. She could feel the familiar body beneath her. Blue pools stared up at her and they seemed to be sucking her in. She was drowning in their endless ocean. Had they really been that blue before?

"You," he whispered in awe.

Buffy didn't know how to react. But it wouldn't have mattered if she did, for the cloaked figure shifted his aim and electricity engulfed her.

_______________________________________________________

The whole eliminator thing will go into more detail later. And why Buffy could get pregnant and then sense when something bad was happening to Spike will be explained. I have an original idea about the whole Spuffy thing. At least I sure hope no one used it. At least not like this. 


	10. ch 10

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 10

It didn't hurt. All Buffy could feel as the electric shock traveled through was warmth. She couldn't command herself to move, but she was aware that her body jerked. God, she wished it hurt. Pain gave her strength, yet all this appeared to be doing was draining her dry.

Then it all stopped. She lay there, gasping, her mind jumbled. After what seemed like an hour, but had only been over a minute, she craned her neck. Spike was busy fighting the reaper. He spun and kicked, threw punches and dodged lightning. He was beautiful when he danced. She had never witnessed him from afar before, usually having to be his partner. 

Things were in Spike's favor until the cloaked reaper knocked him to the right, making him hit his head on the side of a building. The reaper raised both his hands and electricity shot out of the palms. It soaked into Spike. He gritted his teeth at first, but it soon became too much and he howled. Was that how she had looked? Had she cried out as well? He wasn't in pain, was he? All it had done to her was stun her. It sure looked like it was hurting him. A new determination came over her. Buffy got to her feet. She swayed slightly with dizziness. Finally she regained her balance and entered the incident. 

She came up behind the reaper creature. He didn't notice her at all, continuing to zap Spike. The bleached-blond had stopped yelling and was surrendering to the power now. Seeing him so weak and vulnerable broke Buffy's heart. He had always been strong and in control. 

Buffy kicked the reaper in the side. He didn't fall, but stumbled. The lighting seized. He turned around to face her. His fathomless face with glowing eyes chilled her to the bone.

"Slayer," he hissed.

A grin spread across her mouth. "That's me. Lesson for today, when I get knocked down, I always get back up. Kinda like a weeble." She paused. "Wait, no, they only wobble. Bad example."

The reaper glanced at Spike, then at Buffy. "I will return. For BOTH of you." Before either blond could blink he was gone.

The slayer stood there for a moment, her eyes planted where the reaper had once been. She took in a long breath. She stepped toward the man on the ground. 

"Spike?" she squeaked.

He made no attempt to get up. She knelt down beside him. "Spike?" she reiterated, laying a gentle hand on his arm.

His wondrous blue eyes snapped to meet hers. "You," he stated.

A small smile came to her lips. "Me."

Spike sat up slightly. "I've seen you in my dreams."

"I've seen you too."

"I wasn't sure if you were real," he told her.

For awhile after she first came back she hadn't felt real. Actually, it was hard to feel at all. The hallucination by the nerd gang seemed more solid than her actual world. But now she knew that she belonged here. She was alive, and had created it as well. And Spike. . . he was real and here too.

Buffy took him in. He wore a blue sweater and khaki pants. He still wore black Doc Martin's, but they were new. His hair was free of gel and curled, falling into his eyes. The most striking thing she noticed about him was his skin. Instead of its usual pale complexion, it was darkened by a slight tan. 

Her head shot upward. The sky was cloudy, yet not a dark gray, more a dirty white. Dreary, but still light enough to prevent vampires from venturing outdoors. Buffy's lips parted. She took a hand and pressed it on his chest. Even though he wore a thick sweater she could make it out. The thump thumping of his heart.

The fact that water accumulated in her vision went unnoticed. "Spike, you're alive."

He sat up all the way. "Well . . . yeah." 

She removed her hand. "How?"

"Wha . . .?"

"You breathing, out in the day."

He shook his head. "Isn't that what everybody does? Ya know, breath, go out in the day?"

"Not vampires."

Spike broke out in an explosion of laughter. Buffy stood up, irritated. She put her hands on her hips. "What is so amusing?"

He fought to control his laughter. "You're off your rocker if you believe in that rot."

"Oh, right, this coming from the ex-master vamp that tried to kill me."

Snorting, he replied," Me, a vampire? No, I don't think so."

Buffy's expression changed to concern. "Please tell me you're joking. Ya know, ha ha, and not another memory altering spell."

He raised his scared eyebrow. "Spell? Well, I haven't seen any women with tall black hats as of late." He got to his feet. He made eye contact with Buffy. "Truth is I don't know what happened ta me. Very well could be some mojo workin on my noggin. All I know is I woke up outside this spooky cave in the middle of nowhere. Dragged myself through the dessert to find a village. Have no clue how I ended up in bloody good Africa." He gestured toward Buffy. "Or how you come in. But you must play some important role in my soddin existence cuz I can't get you outta my head." He smirked. "Is it just because you get me hard or is there something else going on between us?"

She sighed. "God, Spike, even human and not knowing me you can be a pig."

"That's another thing, what's with the Spike bit? M' William Shayne." He dug into his pocket, drudging up his wallet. He pulled out his driver's license, and handed it to her.

Buffy took the card and examined it. Where had he gotten it? Had to be a fake. Birthdate, 1974. She raised her eyes. "You honestly don't remember me? Not at all?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, pet. Can't recall a bloody thing before two months ago."

Buffy blinked. Why did she have the sudden impulse to cry? This was as bad as not finding him at all. He didn't remember her. Which meant he didn't love her. Her hand roamed to her middle. This baby wouldn't mean anything to him. It wouldn't even be his to him.

"I gotta get to work," she heard him say.

"Work? You can't go to work," she protested.

"Yes, I can, and I will."

She snatched his arm. "We have to get to Giles. He can figure this out. He can make this right. Then we'll go back to Sunnydale and . . ."

Tugging his arm away, he snapped, "Look here, woman, I don't have to go anywhere with you. I'm happy here. I've got a nice flat and a decent job. I don't need you dragging me back to Sunnyhell."

Sunnyhell. A tiny bit of hope sparked inside her chest. Somewhere deep inside him still housed 'her' Spike. All she had to do was unbury him. 

Spike took a few steps away. "I'm late. I just got this job and don't want to lose it just because I ran into you."

"What about the reaper guy? He could come back again. I don't think you're up to confronting him alone," she pointed out.

"Look, I don't know what that was about but . . . I doubt he'll attack while I'm serving drinks."

She couldn't take it anymore. Buffy stormed up to him. She drew back a fist and then let it fly. Her knuckles made contact with his face. His head snapped to the side and he stumbled backwards.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed. His hand went to his nose. Then he withdrew his fingers, seeing that they had touched blood. "You made my nose bleed, you bint!"

Okay, so maybe she shouldn't have done that. He was no longer a vampire with super healing powers or strength. No more beating up on him when he pushed her buttons. She added that to her list of slayer rules.

"Sorry, but you gotta learn to not piss off a slayer," she told him.

He gave her an unconvinced look. "Slayer?"

She frowned. This certainly wasn't Spike. This was some William Shayne he had created, totally oblivious to anything supernatural.

"Sp- William, I can't let you go. I . . . I've come looking for you all the way from California. I got on a plane for you. I just spent hours on a computer trying to find out where you were. Now I'll be dammed if I let you walk away!"

Spike stared at her for a long time. He sighed. "Meet me after work. The pub two blocks from here. Six o'clock."

She nodded. "I'll be there. On the dot."

She watched him walk off, feeling as if she were losing something. Something she never really had in the first place. 

_________________________________________________________

You guys like? Please let me know. 


	11. ch 11

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 11

Buffy stood there for she didn't know how long. Finally she snapped out of her angst thoughts and began to run. She pumped her legs all the way back to Gile's house. When she reached the porch she wished there was more distance for her to run. 

She entered the dwelling to find Giles immersed in a book. "Better not be worded out. We have a demon to add to our list of research topics. At least. . . I think it was a demon."

The watcher pried his eyes away from the text. "You came across a demon while out on your walk?" Concern marred his expression. "Are you all right?"

She sighed. "Yes, Giles. I'm the slayer, remember. Touch with mega strength."

"Yes, but you have never been, uh . . . in delicate condition."

She laughed. "I'm pregnant, not breakable."

"Yes, well. . . You really should be careful."

"I know. And I should get checked out. I haven't really seen a doctor yet."

Giles nodded. "That should be your main priority. We'll find Spike in good time."

"Already pinpointed his location," she informed.

"How did you manage that?"

"On my walk I met up with him."

"Dear lord, you are telling me you found Spike and a demon on a mere walk around the block?" 

A slight smiled tugged at Buffy's lips. "Basically."

He shook his head. "I only thought such a thing possible in Sunnydale."

She shrugged. "Maybe I attract it."

Glancing up at her, Giles said, "So, tell me about your walk. Why isn't Spike with you?"

She plopped down on the couch. "He doesn't remember me, Giles." 

Giles narrowed his eyes. "He has amnesia?"

"Either he got hit on the head or some spell was cast on him. All I know is I'm just some wacko he met on a walk." Her voice held sadness. 

"Wait, Buffy, it is only after noon. Spike couldn't possibly. . ."

"That's the wiggiest thing about all this, he's apparently human now," Buffy told him.

Giles opened his mouth and then closed it again. Buffy could clearly see that he was puzzling over the new knowledge. He shook his head. "That is impossible. Dead things can not be reanimated in the sense of breathing beings once again." He paused, seeing Buffy's risen eyebrow, finding his error. "Yes, I know you are an exception. But there are no exceptions concerning the undead. It has never happened before."

"There's always a first time."

"Are you sure he didn't get a hold of a talisman warding against the rays of the sun?" 

"I'm certain, Giles. I felt his heart. And he's of the breathing. There is no doubt about it, he is alive."

"Extraordinary," Giles muttered. 

"Uh huh, great. Except for the fact that he thinks he is the average Joe Shmoe. He even insisted on going to work. I arranged a meeting with him him there after he gets off."

Giles pushed his glasses further up his nose. "This requires extensive research. Tell me about this demon. Maybe Spike's sudden amnesia and this demon's appearance are connected."

"Well, he wore a long black cloak. His eyes were all glowy. Blue sparks came out of his fingers. That about sums it up."

Her ex-watcher stood up from his seat. He set the book he had been reading down on the coffee table. "I just got a new volume. It lists far more species of demons than my previous collection combined." His voice was full of enthusiasm. 

"Ooooo, exciting," Buffy teased.

She leaned forward to examine the book Giles had discarded. She scanned the page that it was open to. "Vampiric Mating Rituals?"

Giles returned with a large book that must have weighed twenty pounds. "Uh, yes. I was hoping that it would shed some light on your situation."

She looked up at him. "Anything?"

"No, not yet."

Buffy placed the book in her lap. "Well, let me have a go of it." She had experienced it first-hand and would know more than he would. 

"I made it a third through. There was no mention of vampire and human having . . . personal relations."

Buffy snorted. He was embarrassed. She was surprised that he wasn't cleaning his glasses over it.

If someone had told her a year ago that she would willingly do research she would have laughed in their face. But here she was, savoring the words of ancient recorded text. She was too determined to even get bored. 

All of a sudden she came against a section that made her eyes go wide. She put her hand over her mouth to keep herself from losing control. So that is why Spike used his tongue so much, she thought. 

(AN- just use your imagination, guys)

* + * + * + *

Spike stood outside the pub. He glanced at his watch. 6:12. So much for right on the dot. Maybe she wasn't even coming. He scanned the area surrounding him. No sign of the stubborn bint. Well, he wasn't waiting forever. He began to walk away.

He made it five feet away before he heard, "Hey, were do you think you're going!?"

Taking in a deep breath, he turned to face Buffy. "So, you finally decided to show?"

"Sorry, I got distracted and lost track of time. But we found something. About you."

A smirk came to his lips. "Really, about me?"

"Well, about that cloaked guy that's after you. You're coming with me to talk to Giles about it. He can explain it way better than I ever could."

Spike looked skeptical, but agreed by saying, " Fine, lead the way. But I got to get home by ten. Have to turn in by 11:30, and I get testy when I can't squeeze in my shows."

She shook her head. "I take it you finally got a VCR." A memory of him begging Dawn to record Passions passed through her mind. 

"Bloody brilliant invention. Are you telling me I didn't have one before? I don't think I could survive without it now," he told her.

A smile came to her lips. He was still Spike, only in denial. Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. Dissociative fugue amnesia. The disorder had been covered in Psychology class. She racked her brain for more details. Yeah, it all made sense. Spike couldn't handle the guilt of a soul so he blocked everything out. Her professor had talked about how the victims would eventually regain their identity. A wave of relief swam over her. This wasn't permanent. 

It still didn't explain his abrupt humanness. At least she had an idea for part of his current state. 

Spike stuck his hands in his pockets. "Where's this Giles bloke live?"

"Not far from here. Just follow me."

They walked for a bit before anyone spoke. Not being much of the silent type, Spike spoke. "So, is this Giles your boyfriend?"

That made Buffy stop walking for a moment. She doubled over with laughter. Spike eyed her, puzzled at why the question was so humorous.

Finally Buffy straightened. She wiped the tears that had accumulated from her outburst. "N-no Giles is old, at least forty. He's never told me exactly how old he is, but . . ."

"So, he's your friend then?"

"Yeah, a very close friend. He cares for me like a daughter."

Spike nodded. 

They continued their walk. Both their moods had altered. Buffy's was more light-hearted, and Spike's more confused. His mind was a jumbled mess. He had no idea what to think or feel about this girl. 

The pair made it to Gile's place. They stepped inside. Buffy watched as Spike moved through the threshold without any hesitation. There was no indication that he had ever been repelled from entering a residence in his entire existence. 

"Giles," the slayer called. 

The midde-aged man came to meet them. His gaze lingered on Spike, taking the bleached-blond in. "Bloody hell, it is true," he breathed in amazement. 

Buffy smiled widely. "See, told you."

Spike glared at them both. "I'm not a bleeding picture show! Please stop your gawking."

"Yes, but this is so remarkable," Giles said. "Would you allow me to do some tests?"

"I'm not a damn guinea pig either!" Spike snapped. "The slayer mentioned something about you having information on the thing that is after me."

"Yes, it is all in a book. If you please follow me."

The trio went into the living room. A lamp was on, giving off dim light. On the couch was a pile of archaic books. One was opened. Giles snatched it up. 

The book was shoved at Spike. "Is this what you saw?"

Spike peered at the page. It showed a sketch of a cloaked creature clothed in a dark cloak. His hands held sharp claw-like fingernails. His face was empty except for the eyes. "Looks like 'im"

"You didn't believe me," Buffy pouted. "I'm not a good enough witness."

Giles sighed. "I am simply being reaffirming your claim." 

"So, you have the dish on the bugger? What is he after?" Spike demanded. 

"Well. . . to be honest. . . your essence."

A snort escaped Spike. "My essence? Very original."

"This isn't a joke!" Giles exclaimed. 

"Right, like I believe in demons wanting to steal my life force," Spike mocked. 

"It is fact." Giles looked down and began to quote from the volume he held. "The eliminator. A being of hell dimension origin. The executioner of lost souls. The victim may be conflicted by the light and dark, but most are former allies of the darkness recently shying away to the light. The eliminator uses energy stolen from his victims."

"So, that was the lightning he used!?" Buffy burst out.

"Yes," Giles agreed. "He steals it from the people he wipes out. It also says that it is limited. He has to recharge it with more victims."

Buffy looked over at Spike and then back to Giles. "That could be why he left to return later."

"Very well could be." Giles went back to the book. " The unfortunate target's soul does not transcend to the following plane. It is eliminated, essentially becoming nothing."

Buffy grabbed the book. "What!?"

"I know, this is truly dire. This isn't death or life, but the matter of existence."

Buffy lifted her head. "But we can beat it. 'I' can beat it. Right?"

Their attention was shifted to Spike when he began to chuckle. "You both are out of your minds." He pointed to the books on the couch. "Where did you get this stuff, a novelty shop?" 

Buffy's eyes softed. She took a step toward him. "Spike, I know you don't want to believe this. Hell, I didn't want to at first either. But you can't keep living in this fantasy world you've created."

"You've been watchin The Matrx too bloody much, slayer."

She gestured toward him. "See, you've been calling me slayer. You don't even know what one is. Face it, a part of you remembers that I'm a demon hunter and that you used to be a vampire."

He shook his head. 

"Yes, Spike," she insisted. 

He clutched his head. "No! I am William Shayne!"

"Maybe, but you are also Spike, the master vampire. The one who rampaged throughout the world killing innocent people. Who tried to kill me."

"I don't think . . ." Giles protested. 

"Shh, Giles, I know what I'm doing," she assured him. Then she faced Spike again. "Also the one who saved my sister's life. The one who fell in love with me and changed his ways. Please, Spike, remember who you are."

Spike was violently shaking his head now. His breathing was panicked. "NO!"

Buffy reached out to touch his arm. Her expression was pleading. "Spike, come on."

He jerked away from her hand. "Leave me alone! I'm not a monster!"

"No, Spike, you're not a monster," she softly said. 

"I didn't kill anyone. I didn't hurt people. I didn't hurt you, Buffy." 

His eyes got larger in realization. She had never told him her name. Spike gasped. He stumbled backwards and then spun around and fled out the door. 

______________________________________________

Long time no see. So, what do you think? 


	12. ch 12

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Attention! This chapter has a new concept that I got from the book series Night World by L.J. Smith. If you totally don't get it, don't worry, it will be explained later on. 

Chapter 12

Spike ran. His muscles and lungs were on fire, but he didn't slow down. Images passed through his mind and he tried to block them out by concentrating on moving his legs. He went faster and faster. Soon it became too much and he collapsed to his knees on the side of the street. 

A moan escaped his throat. He felt as if he were going to explode. He couldn't handle who he was or what he had done.

"Spike, you can't run forever."

His head snapped upwards. Before him stood a pretty woman with fair hair. She wore a long white dress, and had a kind face. 

"Who are you?" His voice was dry.

"You know who I am," she stated.

He shut his eyes. "No, no I don't."

"Yes, you do," she insisted.

"Glinda," he whispered. 

"Yes, Tara." She knelt down beside him. She gently touched his arm. "Stop denying who you are, Spike. It is true that you've done terrible things. But you've also done good as well."

A sob came from Spike.

"Go back to Buffy. She needs you."

"N-no one needs me. Better off I were dead."

"If that were true the powers would have let you die that night in the alley. You have important things to do."

Her comforting touch suddenly went away. Spike opened his eyes to see that Tara had vanished. He had been left to suffer in turmoil alone. 

The figure of the cloaked eliminator popped in front of Spike from out of nowhere. The creature stared down at the ex-vampire with disgust in his eyes. 

"You are pathetic," the eliminator proclaimed.

Spike gazed at the eliminator with blurry vision. He knew the electricity was going to come before it did. He made no move to avoid it. Pain spread through his entire body, and he accepted it. 

* + * + * + *

Buffy grabbed her coat. "I have to find him," she declared.

"Calm down. He needs some time to gather himself. He's only in shock," Giles told her.

She threw on her coat and then spun to face him. "And in the mean time he might get zapped by this eliminating thing. I can't allow that. I'm going to drag him back here and he can deal without being in solitude."

Nodding, Giles replied," If that is what you think is best."

Her face was full of determination. "I do."

Buffy and Giles shared a final look before she exited the house. She had no idea where to go. She didn't even know the address of his house. Desperate, she tried the alley she found him in earlier that day. It was empty. Next, she went to the pub he worked at. He was nowhere around. With no other locations, she searched blindly through the darkened streets.

After a while despair came over her. He had probably headed home. He never wants to see me again, she thought. But she wasn't going to give up. She'd knock on every house and apartment if that was what it took. She wasn't going back to Sunnydale without him.

A flash of blue light came up ahead in the distance. She jogged toward it. As she neared, she could make out the eliminator pouring electricity into Spike. 

Buffy tackled the eliminator. She managed to catch him preoccupied and he landed on the ground. She hurried over to Spike's side. 

With worry, she gazed down at him. "Are you all right?"

(AN- This is where the soulmate principle comes in. It may be a tad confusing, but will be explained later on)

His cool blue eyes met hers. They pulled her in. It all happened in an instant. Neither of them experienced anything so intense. In a rush, warmth swept over them. Buffy wasn't sure where she ended and Spike began. She could feel his emotions. All the pain and sorrow that were locked inside him came pouring out to her. Everyone of his memories were shown to her. 

The fact that Spike was delving into her life force as well didn't go unnoticed. He went through all the things she had to endure throughout the years. She sensed his startlement when he came across the baby. He recovered by sending a burst of love her way.

All this seemed to last hours to Buffy and Spike, but in the real world it was only a couple of seconds. They came crashing back, feeling cold and incomplete.

Buffy glanced around, her head jumbled. She didn't get a chance to ponder over what just happened because she discovered that the eliminator had gotten to his feet. 

"Very interesting," the cloaked reaper said. His voice displayed amusement. 

Buffy scrambled up off the ground. She placed herself in front of Spike. "I'm not letting you hurt him anymore," she declared. 

"Don't meddle with things you don't understand, little girl," he warned. 

"Oh, I understand. You want Spike to go bye-bye into nothingness. Well, that's not gonna happen." She went into her slayer stance.

Behind her, Spike struggled to stand. She risked a look at him. His appearance showed that he was weak and weathered. 

"Step away, slayer. I can't do away with your essence. You're too pure, but there is something else I can take."

Buffy's eyes went wide. He was threatening her child.

"Buffy, please do as he says," she heard Spike beg.

Anger ran through her. How dare this eliminator bring her unborn baby into the mix. It had nothing to do with this mess. 

"Buffy," Spike pleaded again.

She didn't know what to do. Either the eliminator would take away her baby or Spike. There had to be a way to prevent it and keep both.

Growing tired of Buffy's spectacle, the eliminator decided to take action. He aimed at Buffy's stomach and shot blue fire. It came too quickly for her to dodge out of the way. Before it could hit her, however, Spike jumped in front of her.

Dazed, she took in what was happening. Spike was letting himself get hit by the power for their child. Tears sprung to her eyes. What would multiple blows in the same day do to him?

Now in slayer kick-ass mode, she stepped away to vanquish the eliminator. But before she could, the electricity stopped. Spike began to give way, and she grabbed him to keep him from hitting the hard ground.

She glared over at the eliminator. "You are going to pay," she vowed.

"I don't think so. You won't likely come across me again. My job here is done." With that, the eliminator was gone.

His last words echoed in her ears. His job was done?

She lowered Spike gently to the sidewalk. His skin tone that had gained color since his humanity was gone. His eyes were gray and glassy, opposed to their usual vibrant blue.

Buffy knelt and leaned over him. She ran her fingers through his hair. He'd be all right, she told herself. All he needed was some rest.

Spike grabbed her hand. "I'm a very bad man."

She shook her head. "No, Spike, you're not bad." She shifted her fingers in his grasp so that she was holding his hand, instead of vice-versa. Then she brought his palm to lay on her abdomen. "You've done some very good things."

The sound of him coughing ripped a path to her heart. "Rest," she instructed in a soothing voice.

"Tell Tara I'm sorry. I won't be able to do anymore good," he whispered.

"Tara?"

"Yeah, she came to talk to me. Said I had more good to do." He let out a choked laugh. "Guess I get to go a monster."

Water flooded her vision. "Go?"

"Just tell Tara . . ."

"Tara's dead, Spike."

"Oh." His mouth went upwards a little. "It was nice of Glinda to make and extra trip to see me then. If you ever see her tell her I'm sorry I can't return the favor."

"Stop it right now!" Buffy shouted. "Stop worrying about Tara. What about me? I'm the one that needs you." Her voice cracked. 

"Sorry, luv. You'll manage without me."

She touched his face. "I can't."

"You never wanted me in the first place, pet."

"Yes I did. I've always wanted you, Spike. And now . . . I need you. You can't go."

He breathed deeply. "I think it'll be all right. Twenty- eight as a human, one hundred and twenty-two as a vamp. I've way over my expiration date. Not existing will be a relief. No pain or suffering. No hunger. No depression." He paused, taking in Buffy's beautiful face. "No love."

The tears turned into shattering sobs. Yes, going without love would be more of a blessing. All it ever did was ruin both their lives. Better not have it at all. Their hearts would be hollow, but they would be at peace. 

"Things would be easier," she agreed. 

"They will be."

"Stop! You're not going to leave," she insisted.

"Yes, I am," he replied softly. "I can feel myself leaving little by little."

Mad at him, she said, "You act as if you want this."

"I don't mind it much."

She slapped him. "How dare you! You have to be like the others and leave. And not just me, but 'our' baby."

"I don't deserve to be a father."

"Maybe not, but you are all the same. If you think abandoning it is gonna help . . ."

The sentence was cut off by Spike having trouble breathing. He pulled his hand away and started to gasp. 

"Spike?" she asked in panic. 

He calmed down a bit, but his expression was still contorted. "Buffy, I may not want to love you . . ."

"Spike?" She was afraid now. It seemed as if speaking was too much work for him.

"I can't feel my body," he murmured. 

She made a move to lift him. "I'm taking you to the hospital. They can do something."

"No," he protested.

Tears streamed down off her cheeks and fell on his chest. Her body was shaking. She had never gone through this kind of agony. Not when she sent Angel to hell. Not even when her mom died. This was something new. A part of her was falling away. A piece she didn't know she had until then. But it was important, so important. She wished that she had realized its significance earlier.

"I want to spend my last minutes with you," Spike informed. 

She was crying harder than ever before. Here she was, a slayer, powerful and strong, but helpless at that moment.

"Don't do this to me!" Buffy yelled. "You're not supposed to die!"

Ignoring her, he went on. "I may not want to love you, but it doesn't change the face that I do. I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man. I know I'll never be one, even with the heartbeat. Thanks for treating me like one just the same."

"You fool. You're not a monster. You haven't been one in a long time. And . . ." She took a deep breath. "I do love you, Spike."

The tears blinded her. She wiped them away and looked down at Spike. She wasn't sure if he heard her last statement, for his eyes were closed. 

She shook him. "Spike!?"

He remained still. 

______________________________________________

There you guys go! Thanks for all the reviews. I hope I didn't confuse you with the mind meld thing. That is an idea that comes from the Night World book series. It is a very interesting notion. Two people, soulmates, meant to be together, connect minds and share their feeling and thoughts. This story will deal more with it later on. 


	13. ch 13

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 13

Nobody could have as much water in their system as Buffy had. It kept coming out, drenching her face. She could even taste it on her tongue, salty and full of grief. Breathing was difficult, her lungs seemed to be clogged.

"Spike!?" She shook him again. 

There was no response.

No, her mind cried. This couldn't be happening. Spike was eternal. He was an essential part of her life, even if she denied it. He was crude, rude, and damn annoying, but he was always there. He understood her like no one else did. They were equals, two sides of the same coin. 

She couldn't bring herself to check for vitals. She was so frightened to find confirmation that he had really left. That this body wasn't Spike, but rather an empty shell left behind. 

* + * + * + *

The first thing he took in was the white. The whole place was bright with it, too much for his taste. He squinted his eyes. He had become accustomed to sun rays, but this was even more intense.

"Welcome, William, to the upper plane," a feminine voice said.

He turned around. A lovely woman with extremely long golden hair stood there. She had on a cream-colored gown that resembled the one Tara had worn previously. Her smile was sweet and friendly.

"Upper . . . What? Shouldn't I be nowhere?" Spike asked, bewildered. 

" You would if we hadn't intervened," the woman informed. 

Spike glanced around. It looked as if they were in an ancient Greek temple. 

"I'm still dead, though, right pet? You on high people brought me here for the afterlife. Am I right?"

She laughed. "This isn't heaven. This is the realm of knowledge. The beings here serve the powers that be."

Confused, he said, "Ok. Fine work ya got. So, why am I here if it isn't the great beyond?"

"You're not dead yet," the woman told him. "We think that we may be able to save you."

* + * + * + *

After a while the tears did stop. Her shoulders quit shaking and her body took over a silent calmness. 

She sagged forward, burying her face in his shirt. That was when she felt it. He was breathing. Hardly, yes, but it was there. Little puffs of air, slight movement of the chest. A gasp escaped her. He was alive. 

Buffy hoisted him into her arms, getting to her feet. She could still save him. With slayer strength, she carried the man to Giles's house.

Bursting through the door, she barely made it through without dropping the mass in her arms. Giles, who was engrossed in a book as usual, abandoned it. He jumped out of the recliner. "Buffy, what happened?"

"Eliminator." She deposited Spike on the couch. 

"No," the watcher said. "Take him to the bedroom."

Buffy nodded at the offer. She took Spike's weight once again and headed to the second door down the hall. She laid him down on Giles's bed. Arranging the pillow and blankets, she attempted to make him as comfortable as possible.

She stared at the bleached ex- vampire. The sight of him was deeply upsetting. He was as pale as a corpse, even more than a vampire. His skin matched the white hair on his head. 

"Giles, we have to do something," she declared. She looked over with plead.

Giles sighed. "Buffy, I'm sorry, but there is no cure. When the draining session begins, as I can clearly see it has, there is no way to reverse it."

Swallowing, the slayer turned her head away. There was a long quite between them. Finally, Buffy said, "Leave."

The sound of the door shutting indicated that Giles had complied to her wishes. 

Buffy took Spike's hand in hers. It was cold. She remembered those same icy fingers roaming over her bare skin. The only difference was that they had belonged to a vampire before.

"Damb you, Spike. Why did you have to be all noble and go to Africa? If you were among the undead this would have never happened," she whispered. 

(AN- She knows about his soul searching from the mind merge)

* + * + * + *

Spike crossed his arms. "What if I don't want to be saved?"

Surprised, the higher being said, "Really? What of the slayer you leave behind? Your daughter?"

His jaw clenched. "I have done enough damage during my existence. I don't want to have the chance to bollix up anymore. Especially to Buffy. She's better off without me."

"And so you would abandon your own soul mate?"

He snapped his gaze to focus on her. "Soulmate?"

"Yes. Very few ever are fortunate to come across theirs. The other half that completes them. If they do, and they're mate dies, it is almost impossible to recover."

"What are you saying?" Spike asked. 

"The slayer has already lost so much. She may not be able to handle another tragedy."

Spike pondered over this for a moment. "I can't be her soulmate."

The woman laid a comforting hand on his arm. "Yes. Even when you were believed to have no soul. When a demon inhabits a body they take over, but it doesn't drive out the soul as many think. It has control, yes, but what makes the original personality is still there." A small smile came to her lips. "You, William, are different. Your demon shared the body with your soul. It didn't keep it buried and even let it take over occasionally."

Spike absorbed the knowledge. It all made sense. He never really had felt like his demon and William were separate entities. They both made up what he was. 

"You didn't stop there with the uniqueness. Vampires are not to have children, but you created one regardless," the woman continued. 

Spike smirked. "Yeah, me and the slayer aren't much for following the sodding rules."

"The soul mate bond you share seemed to allow you to reproduce. Such a thing has never happened before. It is amazing."

"So, if you did send me back . . ." Spike began.

"Yes?" 

"How would that work exactly?"

"Your human frailty is allowing the eliminator to take your life-force. If you were still a vampire the healing cycle would be able to replenish it. The powers are offering to vie back the demon that was taken away when you became mortal. This would allow you to recover."

Self loathing came over Spike. "You want to turn me back into a vampire. Been there, done that, no thanks. At the time it was grand, but . . ."

"You misunderstand, William," the woman told him. "We are not restoring you to a vampire with a soul, but a human with a demon."

Spike stilled. "Oh . . . right then."

"Do you accept our offer?"

He ran a hand through his hair. Then he raised his head. "Yeah, do the bloody thing."

* + * + * + *

After a long emotional episode, Buffy fell asleep. She awoke, however, when she felt the body she was resting her head on move. Her eyes shot open and she jerked upwards.

"Bloody 'ell!"

Her eyes widened. "Spike?"

She directed her gaze to the man beside her. He was now sitting up, breathing hard. 

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. Her arms went around him. Sobs went traveling through her. "I thought you weren't going to wake up."

He moaned. "I feel like a train hit me."

"But you're alive." She met his gaze. "And your brain's all there, right?"

He held her back. "Yeah, luv, I member everything."

She smiled. "Good."

Suddenly, Spike seemed startled. "Cor!"

Buffy pulled back. "What?"

In a voice of wonderment, he said, "I can hear 'er."

Still confused, she questioned by going, "Huh? Who?"

He answered by touching her stomach. "Itzy Bitzy, I can hear 'er heartbeat." He searched her eyes. "It's so much faster than yours."

Buffy shook her head. "How is this possible?"

"They gave me back my demon, luv. The higher beings said I could live if my demon healed me. Apparently, I get the vamp senses along with it."

"You really were dying?"

"Yeah," he confirmed softly.

She shut her eyes.

Spike brought her close to him. He stroked her hair and breathed in her scent. The demon came with all the extra qualities of a vampire. His eyesight was sharp, his hearing picked up the faintest pitch, and his smell was keener than human. He was certain that his muscles would be able to break a demon's neck if need be. 

Buffy was silent and he was beginning to get worried. "Buffy? Luv, are you all right?"

"You all most died. If the powers that be hadn't of interfered you'd be gone," she murmured.

"But I'm not."

Without warning, she crushed her lips with his. Her tongue slipped inside his mouth, begging to be reassured that he wasn't going anywhere. When they parted both of them were panting.

"I love you," she admitted in a rush.

His heart sped up. He was so overwhelmed with it all. Here he was, awake from a fatal coma and a returned demon, and now he was bombarded by the declaration of Buffy returning his love.

"Did you hear me, Spike?" Buffy asked.

"I heard ya, luv."

Out of nowhere she hit him in the chest. It didn't hurt much, but it still stung. "Bloody hell, slayer! What was that for?" He'd never understand the Summers women. And now it seemed like another one was on the way. 

"That is a reminder to never leave me. And you can take it, you've got demon strength again."

In a swift motion, Spike grabbed Buffy. He slammed her on the bed with great force, rolling ontop of her. He straddled her, holding her arms above her head. "That's right, baby, the big bad's back. Good thing, cuz otherwise I'd probably be sputtering god awful poetry instead of. . . This."

Buffy let out a moan of pleasure as he began to assault her. The last coherent thought she had was that Spike most likely hadn't processed the fact that they were on Giles's bed.

_____________________________________________________

Oooo, naughty lil pair aren't they. Wonder what Giles would do if he knew. Shame shame. *L* Did you like the chapter? 


	14. ch 14

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 14

Knocking on the door interrupted Buffy and Spike from their make-out session. Things hadn't progressed that far along. Both still had their clothes on.

"Buffy, are you all right?" Giles asked from the hall.

Spike sat up. "Is that the watcher?"

A groan came from Buffy. She was annoyed at the absence of his touch. "Yeah."

Spike glanced around the room, taking it in. "Bloody hell, this is his house!"

"Yeah."

He gestured to the bed. "And we were gonna . . ."

A naughty grin appeared on Buffy's lips. "Yeah."

He raised an eyebrow. "God, Summers, and you say I am the evil one."

The knocking grew more intense. "Buffy, can I come in?" Giles called. 

Buffy straightened her shirt. "Go ahead, Giles."

The older man opened the door. "Is . . .?" He froze when he saw Spike. His eyes bugged out with astonishment. "Dear lord, Spike?"

"Hullo, Rupert." Spike put up a hand in greeting.

Giles removed his glasses. "You're alive," he stated.

"Uh huh, and we can say that literally now," Buffy spoke up.

"I take it your memory has returned," Giles said to Spike. He noticed the way the blond kept eyeing Buffy. He frowned at how it clearly read, 'I love you, so let's get it on.'

Spike blinked, and turned his attention away from Buffy. "Right. My brain's intact. Member everythin. From Dru to Africa."

"Excuse me, did you say Africa?"

A bright smile lit the slayer's face. "Spike went to Africa to earn a soul. He couldn't deal with it, though, and sorta blocked it all out."

Gile's head was spinning. "This is all very interesting, but I am still trying to process how Spike is breathing."

"From the illness or before, mate?" Spike asked. 

"Both, actually."

"Well, ya see, this demon in Africa was supposed to give me a shiny new soul. He somehow got the bloody idea to add-on a beating heart and lungs. And how I'm not a corpse again . . . well, the higher beings took pity on me and returned my demon."

Buffy raised her hand. "Which healed him. Oh, and he's got the cool benefits of a vamp along with it," she burst out.

Giles stood there for a moment. Then he turned. "I need a drink." He went out, closing the door. 

The slayer glanced over at her mate. "Think he'll be okay?"

"Right as rain, luv. A brandy can work wonders."

She giggled. 

"But it might be awhile." His expression showed lustful intentions. 

She swatted him. "Ewwww, Spike, this is Giles bed!" She rolled off the mattress and to her feet.

Irritated, Spike reciprocated the action. "Hey, a minute ago . . ."

She spun, smashing her mouth with his. It was far too quick, leaving him wanting. "Later, on 'my' bed," she promised, turning away. She went out of the room. 

"Come on! Sunndale's on the other side of the bleedin planet!" he called. 

* + * + * + *

When they came out, they found Giles in the dining room. He was sitting at the table, scribbling in a leather-bound journal. A bottle of alcohol and a half-full glass were next to him. 

"What's up?" Buffy questioned. 

Giles looked up, startled. He apparently hadn't heard the two walk in. "I'm recording Spike's remarkable humanity and recovery. And uh . . . the other circumstance."

"It's okay, Giles, you can say baby. He knows."

The watcher nodded. "That makes things easier. Before you return home we should try to uncover this last puzzle. A vampire procreating is remarkable enough, but a slayer is even. . ." 

"Yes, Giles, I remember us having this conversation before. This is some kind of miracle."

Spike moved to lounge in a chair. "No need to find all the pieces of the puzzle, I already got them."

Giles peered at him with curiosity. "What are you talking about?"

"This higher being explained what's goin on to me. Simple really. Always knew me and the slayer were connected."

Rolling her eyes, Buffy said, "Out with it, Spike, what is going on here?"

"We're soulmates. Ya know, that rare occurrence where one soul completes another," Spike went on. 

"You didn't have a soul when we . . . ya know," Buffy pointed out. 

"Yeah, I did, luv. See, the higher being told me that all vamps have them, but the demon hides it away."

Giles took a long gulp of his drink. "Oh, dear," the man said. "This would change the whole vampire philosophy."

"Right on, Rupes," Spike put in. 

Buffy shook her head. "I still don't get it. What does that have to do with me getting pregnant?"

Spike shrugged. "It baffled the higher beings as well. Guess our mingling of souls set off a trigger."

Giles directed his gaze on Buffy. "Truth is, Buffy, I don't think anyone knows all the answers. It would be wise to be cautious. This child could be important in our world's future."

"Yeah, yeah. Important, gotcha. Moses and all."

"You haven't been to the doctor's yet have you?" Giles asked in a parental tone. 

She sighed. "Uh. . . No," she replied, guiltily. 

Spike raised his eyes. "You haven't gone to the doc's? This is my kid too, ya know?" 

She gestured to him. "Well, I was too busy worrying about you! If you wouldn't have run off I wouldn't have had to come find you!" 

"If you recall, luv, I was getting my soul 'for you'. " 

"Which you didn't need. You already had one."

"Yeah, well, I didn't know that at the time, now did I?"

She crossed her arms. They both stared at each other, challengingly. 

Finally, Buffy relaxed. "I'll go as soon as we get home."

"Better, or I'll drag ya there my self."

She couldn't help but smile. He was so cute when he showed how much he cared. She had to admit that he would make a good father. Well, besides the whole music and tv choices he would push. Oh, he better not smoke anymore. 

"Wha!?" Spike asked, seeing her expression. 

"Nothing," she told him. She turned to Giles. "So, can we go back to California now?"

____________________________________________

You, guys, what do you want? Do you want more of the eliminator? I'm thinking of adding another big bad instead. I'm sort of sick of the cloaked electric guy. Or do you want no villain? That would make it shorter. What are your ideas? 


	15. ch 15

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 15

A few days went by before Buffy and Spike could leave England. Giles insisted on recording every single detail on their experience. Also, there was the matter with Spike's home. It was impossible to pack all his stuff in a suitcase and carry it on the plane with them, even if he did own few things. Giles agreed to arranging the house itself for sale. The possessions Spike desired to keep were to be shipped over after the pair arrived back in Sunnydale and had settled down. 

At the moment Buffy was preparing to call home while Spike packed. He was having a hard time deciding what to squeeze into two traveling cases.

The phone rang three times before it was picked up. "Hello?"

"Dawn?" Buffy replied. 

"Buffy? Is everything okay?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah, everything's great. I'm coming home."

"Should we meet you at the airport?"

The slayer glanced at Spike. He picked up a CD, put it in the suitcase, then thinking better of it, took it out and replaced it with another. A smile tugged at her lips. He was so adorable. Why hadn't she realized that before? Well, actually she had. He had always been pleasing to look at, but she had never got tingly fluttering feelings in her stomach when doing so before. That part was new. 

"No, that's not necessary. We'll meet up at the house." No need in causing her friends to have a heart-attack, which they certainly would if they saw her step off a plane with Spike in broad daylight and not becoming a crispy critter.

"Ok." 

"So, how've you been?" Buffy asked with a more chipper tone. 

"Oh, uh, fine. I've been spending time with Xander a whole lot. And, Cleo's pretty nifty. She can light candles with her hands."

"I'm glad you're having a good time, Dawnie. Wait a minute, Cleo's been showing you spells?" 

"Don't worry, she's not teaching me to do any magic. She just shows me what 'she' can do."

There was a pause. "Buffy, did you find him?"

The slayer gripped the pone tighter. "Yeah, I . . . I did."

A squeal was heard on the other end of the line. "Oh my gosh! So, is he coming back with you?"

Buffy watched Spike close a suitcase. He looked up at her and smiled. 

"Pretty sure, " Buffy answered.

"That's . . ." Dawn seemed to suddenly remember how she was supposed to be mad at him. "I'm happy that he's coming home, but I haven't forgotten what he's done."

"I know. I don't think he is likely to make the same mistake again, though. Even if he tried."

The last part had been said lowly. Spike caught it with his acute hearing and raised an eyebrow. She acted as if she didn't notice.

"How do you know he has changed his ways? That's what we thought before. That he would never hurt one of us."

"Trust me, I know. And, Dawn . . ." She sighed. "He would never hurt you. He didn't even mean to hurt me."

Buffy saw Spike's expression full of guilt. She moved to sit next to him on the bed. She took his hand and squeezed. 

"Don't tell the others I'm bringing Spike home with me, okay?"

"Wha . . . Why?"

"Please. It's my news to break."

"Whatever."

"Thanks. I'll see you soon. Love you."

"Yeah, love you too. Tell Spike . . . Never mind, I'll talk to him when he gets here."

"Bye." Buffy hung up the telephone. 

She turned her head in Spike's direction. He was staring at the wall with a blank stare. She stroked his palm with her thumb. "Spike, are you okay?"

He took in a deep breath. "The bit holds ill feelings toward me I take it. Hell, the whole lot, right?" 

"It'll be all right. They'll forgive you when they learn how sorry you are." 

He let out a snort. "Sure, the whelp'll invite me to play pool and chug beer with him after we explain 'everything'," he said with sarcasm.

She knew he was talking about the baby. She nodded her head with understanding. He was speaking the truth. When Xander found out about her pregnancy there was no idea how he would take it. One thing was sure, however, and that was that he wouldn't take it well. 

"This isn't going to be a picnic, that's for sure," she agreed. "But we can't stay hidden away on the other side of the earth. Whatever happens, we'll get through it. Because, we have each other."

Blue eyes fell on her. His gaze was so intense that she felt as if she were drowning in them. Not being able to take it any more, she drew him close to her and kissed him. When they pulled away, she leaned her head on his shoulder. 

"I feel so scared. But at the same time, I'm excited as well. Everything has changed for us. We have a new future," Buffy professed. 

His arm wrapped around her. "That's right, pet. We have a whole life ahead of us. I say we make the most of it."

She took her hand and placed it over his heart. The thumping she felt filled her with confidence. 

* + * + * + *

"Bye, Giles," Buffy said. She hugged the man with feeling. 

"Goodbye, Buffy. Don't hesitate to call me if there is anything you need," he informed. 

"I won't," she replied, stepping back.

The two males were left eying each other awkwardly. After a moment, Spike stuck out his hand. Giles took his hand and shook it. 

"You've been given something not many receive, a second chance at life. I suggest you don't waste it," Giles told the ex-vampire.

Spike didn't know what to say or do. He ended up ruining the moment by saying, "Bye, Rupes. Or should I say, Grandpa?"

Giles released his hand. 

Buffy rolled her eyes. She grabbed Spike's arm and tugged. "Come on, Spike, let's get on the plane." Why did Spike always have to mess with a good moment?

The couple began to walk away. Spike called back, "We'll be sure to bring Itty Bitty back for a family visit."

Buffy pinched his arm. 

He sent her a glare. "Hey!"

"Why did you have to do that?"

"What?"

"He was trying to be nice and you had to get smart."

"Sorry, pet, couldn't resist."

They boarded the plane and sat down. Spike insisted on having the window seat. He kept his gaze out the window most of the flight. 

"Spike, how is it that you act as if this is the first time you've seen the sun? You've been human for two months now," Buffy stated.

"Yeah, but I didn't remember being a vamp then. Now I do and I know how amazing this all is."

About half way there, Spike said," Buffy, as soon as we get home you have to make a doctor's appointment."

"You and Giles are so the worriers. I went before to confirm the pregnancy."

"Yeah, but that was before you came to England. Before the eliminator," he pointed out. 

Her hand went to her stomach. "Oh, my god! What if something did happen? I mean, that electricity was pretty severe."

"No need to panic, luv. I'm sure she's fine. I would know if there was anything drastically wrong. I still got my senses ya know."

Buffy smiled. "Sure it's a she then, huh?"

"Come now, this is a Summers."

"It's also part Shayne. " Her upward mouth faltered. "That is your real last name, right?" 

"Sure is. William Alan Shayne." 

"I like that."

The rest of the trip went smoothly. Buffy managed to not get sick this time, which she was very grateful with. 

Spike was carrying his two suitcases as they walked. "Buffy, maybe you should have let the others meet us. My arms are hurting me."

"Don't be a baby. You've got vampire strength. And how would you have liked to hop off the plane and be confronted by Xander first thing. He wouldn't have let you even get out a word before he punched you in the nose."

"Speaking of vampire strength," Spike reminded her," I could have punched him right back. With more force. Problem solved."

Both of them halted. They set down their luggage and stared ahead at the house. Neither wanted to move from that spot, afraid to death of what lay inside for them to face. 

"Did the bit say she was going to be home when we arrived?" Spike asked. 

"She didn't say," Buffy answered.

They picked up their suitcases again and went up the driveway. Buffy entered the house first. She was surprised to be confronted by five other people. She dropped her suitcases, startled. 

"Uh. . . Hi, guys," she stammered. 

The door opened behind her and Spike came inside. At first his face showed alarm, but then he hid it with a smirk. "Hello all, miss me?"

Xander stepped forward. He pointed at Spike while addressing Buffy. "What is he doing here!?"

"Uh, well . . ." Buffy began.

"Aw, Harris, no hug?" Spike remarked. 

With fury in his eyes, Xander threw a swing at Spike. Spike reciprocated the motion. Then he turned to Buffy. 

"See, luv. We could have just gotten that over with at the airport."

_________________________________________________

Thanks, Cara, I think I'm gonna use your idea about the eliminator working for another bigger bad. 

Sorry for the delay on this, I've been sort of busy. 


	16. ch 16

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 16

Buffy sent Spike a glare of disapproval. "Why did you have to do that?"

Irritation came over Spike's face. He sighed. "Was I just supposed to 'let' him hit me?" 

"Yes," Buffy retorted.

"What!?" he protested.

"You've got extra healing strength. Xander doesn't," she reasoned.

Xander recovered from the blow. He touched his nose, feeling a tiny amount of blood. He straightened up and pointed at the blond man before him accusingly. 

"Your chip stopped working!" 

"Oh, balls," Spike muttered.

Buffy's eyes darkened even more. "Why couldn't you let me handle this?"

"Excuse me, I think it's the whelp who started all this."

"And he wouldn't have if you could keep your lips shut and hands to yourself."

Anya looked worried. "He's not going to eat us, is he?"

Everybody ignored the vengeance demon's comment. The witches and Dawn were too busy processing the fact that Spike was standing in front of the open door. The door that let in a stream of sunshine. Spike, Buffy, and Xander, however, were too involved to realize this. 

"So I was supposed to prance in here and just stand while you explain? And if someone decided to smash my face in I would let them?"

"Yes," Buffy confirmed. 

"You are amazing, Summers."

"Yeah, well. . . Yeah ."

They stared at each other challengingly. Spike couldn't take it any longer and burst out laughing. Soon Buffy followed. Xander watched in total confusion. 

Cleo raised an eyebrow at Willow. "What is going on?"

The red-head shrugged. "Don't look at me."

"I thought he was a vampire."

"He is. Was. Uh . . . Should be."

Buffy wiped her teary eyes, her laughter fading. 

"I fail to see the humor," Xander remarked. 

"Sorry," Buffy apologized. 

Dawn stepped toward Spike. He looked curiously at her, not sure what to expect. He waited for her to make the first move. The teen took his arm and examined it. She noted the smooth surface. 

"Why aren't you smoking?" she asked. 

Spike turned his head, noticing the open door for the first time. "You see, bit . . ."

"He's human," Cleo announced.

Xander's eyes hugged out. "What!?"

"I can sense his aura. He's alive."

A smirk came to Spike's lips. "That's right. I got a beating heart and everythin."

Anya looked relieved. "Oh, good, he's not going to eat us. Unless he is a cannibal. You're not a cannibal, are you?"

"No, luv. In fact I have this urge for hot wings at the moment."

Buffy gave Spike a smile. "Oooo, I'm hungry too! Ice cream sounds good."

Gesturing to Spike, Xander accused Buffy by saying, " Is this why you went to England? To bring 'him' back!? It had nothing to do with Giles, did it?"

"I wanted to talk to Giles, but yes, I did go to bring Spike home." Her voice was defensive. 

"I can't believe this, Buffy! After what he did!"

Beside Buffy, Spike looked down at his hands in shame. He wished that he could forget that night in the bathroom. Of all his crimes, that one built up more regret than any other. He knew it would haunt him forever no matter what he did.

Buffy's eyes flared. "You know nothing about what happened, Xander."

"I know enough," Xander shot back.

"Will you two shut up!" Dawn shouted. She was still holding Spike's arm, but now it seemed to be a touch of tenderness instead of examination. "There has to be a story to this and I want to hear it."

"Dawn's right, we do have a story," Buffy told them. She frowned at Xander. "But I don't think right now would be a good time to tell it. Why don't we meet up at the Magic Box later? After everyone has had time to calm down."

"Yes, that sounds good," Cleo said.

Xander was silent for a moment. Then, he said, "Fine, but I don't think a whole month would change my feelings."

They all left, agreeing to meet back up at seven that evening. Buffy collapsed on the couch, looking exhausted. She gazed over at Dawn. 

"Why did they all have to be here when I got home?"

"I'm sorry," Dawn said. "I told them not to go to the airport and they insisted on waiting for you here."

"You want that ice cream, luv?" Spike questioned. 

The slayer nodded. "There's some rocky road in the freezer. Three scoops. I need some comfort food."

"Sure thing, pet. Be right back." He went off to the kitchen. 

Dawn noticed Spike's suitcase on the floor. "Is he staying here?" Her voice sounded surprised. 

"Uh, yeah, Dawnie, I think he is."

"I demand a very detailed explanation later on."

Buffy nodded. "I know."

"Till then, I'm gonna go study my vocab."

Buffy smiled. "Okay."

Her sister climbed up the stairs as Spike came back with a heaping bowl of ice cream. He handed it to Buffy, along with a spoon. She dug in, making a sound of ecstasy. Spike sat down on the couch next to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder. 

They were both oblivious that Dawn was coming down to retrieve her forgotten backpack, which she had left in the living room. She halted at the sight of Buffy leaning against Spike. 

"What am I going to do?" Buffy inquired. 

Spike took a hand and stroked her side. "What's that?"

"Xander couldn't handle you being human. How is he going to react to the baby?"

A gasp escaped Dawn. She stared in shock and disbelief. She couldn't have heard what she had just heard. It was impossible. Wasn't it?

"He'll have to deal somehow. This is your life, you can live it the way you choose," Spike told Buffy.

"He's my best friend, Spike. I don't want to lose him."

"If he really loves you he'll deal with it."

She nodded. "What am I going to say?" She sighed. "And I don't have much time to figure it out. My jeans are already tight as can be."

Spike grinned. "You're going to be so cute."

Buffy looked over at him in horror. "What!? I'm going to be the size of a watermelon."

"A very cute watermelon," he confirmed. 

She rolled her eyes. "I'm gonna have to train non-stop for months after this is through."

"It'll be worth it."

"I know," Buffy whispered. 

Dawn blinked, taking in that Buffy and Spike were now kissing. Buffy's bowl of ice cream was on the coffee table, forgotten and melting. She turned away, heading back upstairs. Doing vocabulary was the furthest thing from her mind. 

____________________________________________________

I've been so busy lately! Hopefully starting Monday, my homework load will decrease now that Senior projects are done. Thanks everyone for the reviews.


	17. ch 17

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 17

Buffy was in a meadow. Yellow dandelions dotted the green carpet spread out before her. She gazed up to see a clear, bright blue sky. She wished Spike was by her side. He'd love to see such a scene, now that he no longer needed a sunscreen level that no one made. She took a deep breath of the fresh air, feeling very content. 

"Like it?" a voice asked. "I wanted somewhere cheerful."

Buffy spun around quickly. There stood a girl, maybe 19. She had long golden hair that cascaded down to her waist. She wore a flowing white gown that looked like something out of a fantasy painting. 

"I know," the girl said, looking down at herself. "It is a bit much. But I always dreamed of being in a fairytale. So I couldn't resist creating this attire."

Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but then shut it again. She simply stared in confusion.

"Oh, uh, yeah, this is a dream by the way," the woman told Buffy. 

Coming out of her stupor, the slayer asked, "Who are you?"

"Call me Elena," the girl answered. 

"Okay, Elena. . . So, this is a dream?"

Elena grinned. "Yep! Pretty wiggy, huh?"

"Hey, that's my word!" Buffy protested. 

"Chill, and get over it."

A sigh escaped Buffy. "So, is there a point to this dream or what?"

"Oh, yeah." Seriousness came over Elena. "I came to warn you. She's coming. You have to be ready for her."

"Ready for who?"

"Medora. She's powerful. You have to be ready."

"Medora?"

"I don't have time to explain anymore. Just be ready for an enemy, k?"

* + * + * + *

Buffy's eyes shot open. She sat up off Spike, making him stir. He mumbled something unintelligent.

Buffy let her eyes focus, and tried to clear her head from slumber. She glanced around for the time. When she found it, she reached over to shake Spike. 

"Wake up. We fell asleep on the couch and now it's past seven. We're late," Buffy exclaimed. 

He moaned, sitting up straight. "Huh, wha?"

"Past seven, as in late to meet up at the magic shop," she informed. 

That got his attention. "Oh, we better go then."

They stood up together. 

Buffy went over to the foot of the stairs. "Dawn!" she called. "Are you coming with us!?"

There was the sound of a door opening. A few seconds later, Dawn appeared. She stared at them for a moment, then stammered. "Uh. . . Y-yeah."

"Hurry up and get your jacket. We're late."

The three walked in silence. The sky was overcast with no moon, making the night dark. Spike began to hum a little diddy, not being one for quiet. Dawn fell back behind the two. 

"What's that you're humming?" Buffy inquired. 

"Oh, nothin much. Just somethin my mum sang to me."

"It's pretty," she commented. He'll have to hum it to the baby, she thought to herself. I bet he'll be a good father. She took her hand and interlocked their fingers. 

Behind them Dawn watched, not sure what she thought of all this. She liked Spike, really she did, and she had rooted for Buffy and Spike to get together for a long time. But he had tried to rape her sister, and that confused her. She wanted to completely forgive him, yet that also didn't seem right. And now he was human and, she still couldn't comprehend it, had gotten her sister pregnant. Which, surprisingly Buffy was totally content with. Except for the telling her friends part.

Buffy looked back at Dawn. "Get your vocab done?"

"Oh. . . Yeah," the teen lied. In reality she hadn't even started the unit. 

"Good."

They made it to the Magic Box. Buffy took a deep breath before opening the door and going in. Spike and Dawn followed. 

The rest of the scoobies, including Cleo, were sitting at the round table. They all raised their heads, eyes going on Buffy and Spike. Dawn shied away, to stand to the side. She hoped she could go through the meeting without much involvement.

"So, Buffy, please tell us your story," Anya said, eagerly. 

"Yes, Buffy, tell us why you went across the globe to bring back a vampire that tried to kill and rape you," Xander said. 

"Xander!" Willow scolded. 

Buffy fought to hide the hurt that Xander was causing her. She composed herself, collecting her strength. 

"I love him," she announced. "I love Spike. I've been denying it ever since he confessed his feeling for me. I told him it was hopeless, that there was no chance. But I was lying to myself. We understand each other." She smiled sadly. 

"After Willow . . . brought me back, the only one I could turn to was Spike. He was the only one that knew what it was like. He knew death." She paused. "I used him. I took what I needed to feel better. But I hurt him. I wasn't interested in a relationship. A relationship is give and take, but all I did was take. I finally realized what I was doing and ended it. The thing is, I told him it was over so many times in the past when I didn't mean it. No meant yes. So, in the bathroom . . ."

She surveyed her friends. Xander was still angry. Willow was puzzled. Anya seemed enthusiastic for her to go on. Cleo was interested. 

"Spike went to get a soul. Which he did, but got a little humanity along with it. I missed him when he was gone. When Cleo came with Willow we did a location spell, finding him in England. I went, found him, and came home. We've worked our issues out and now we're together."

"That's it, huh? You love him, went to get him, and that's it?" Xander spoke up.

Buffy met his gaze. "Yes. I love him. End of story. Better get used to it."

"That's not the end of the story," Dawn said softly.

Buffy turned. "What did you say, Dawnie?"

Dawn stepped forward. She glared at Buffy. "Aren't you going to tell them?" she demanded. 

"Tell them what?" 

"I know," Dawn told her. 

Buffy faltered. She couldn't know? Could she? How?

"Come on, Buffy, aren't you going to tell them?" Dawn urged on. 

"I. . . I," Buffy stammered. 

Spike looked over with worry. 

"I overheard you both in the living room. I know your pregnant, Buffy," Dawn accused. 

Buffy covered her mouth. "Oh, god!"

___________________________________________

So, I'm sorry for the delay. Really, I am. 

If spoilers are right, we're up for some really good episodes. I can't wait!


	18. ch 18

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 18

If it were possible, the eyes on Buffy became even more intense. She stood there, not sure what to do. Beside her, Spike took her hand. He squeezed it, trying to give support. Inside, he was trying to calm the demon that lay deep within himself. It wanted to leash out at Xander for making his slayer so upset. 

Out of nowhere, taking everyone by surprise, Xander exploded with laughter. The attention switched from Buffy to him. 

"What?" he questioned. He gestured toward Buffy. "You all actually believe she would be dumb enough to get knocked up? Besides, he would have had to be a vamp at the time, and we all know that is a no go."

Buffy's eyes widened and her mouth parted. 

"Yes," Anya quickly agreed. "Vampires are dead, and their reproductive organs stop working."

"Hey!" Spike shrieked. "I'll have you know my bits and pieces worked just fine."

"Oh, well, I know that. I experienced them first hand, remember? They were quite working. All I meant was that your semen were no longer able to reproduce."

"It isn't possible, is it, Buffy?" Willow asked. 

"Well . . . No, not normally," the slayer confessed. 

Xander pointed a finger. "See! So, what is with the pregnant declaration?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Cleo said. She stood up, looking out of place. She gave a small smile. "But Buffy is pregnant. I saw her aura, and I sensed another mixed with it. I'm the one who diagnosed her, and I'm positive there isn't a mistake. "

"There isn't. I went to the doctors," Buffy told them.

Dawn crossed her arms. She stared at Buffy with bitterness. "You knew!? Before you left you knew and you didn't tell me!"

"Dawn . . ."

"We're supposed to be sisters."

Buffy blinked, feeling guilty. 

Spike couldn't stand being silent any longer. "Shut your holes all of you! You're supposed to be her mates. The ones who care about her and stand by her side when things go wrong. And I'll give you credit for that. You rush off to fight apocalypses whenever she asks. But when things are going right, and she finally figures out what she wants, and has got it; you lot turn your back. It's bloody disgusting!"

"Are you saying she wants your kid?" Xander said, appalled. 

Spike shot him down with a dirty look. "Yeah, Harris, that is exactly what I'm saying. Me and her are soul mates. That's why we could create life. It's a bloody miracle." He said the last part with his face toward Buffy, his expression full of love. 

Abruptly, Xander stood up. "I can't take this," he affirmed before heading to the door. 

"Xan?" Buffy squeaked, hurt. 

Xander turned back. "Sorry, Buff, but I need some time." With that he stepped outside. 

"This isn't fair," Anya pouted. "I want to have children. I can't do that until I get married, though. Doesn't look like I ever will." She seemed as if she were about to cry, clearly thinking back on the 'Xander leaving her at the alter'. She caught herself, though, and collected her emotions. "Wait! Vengeance demons do not have offspring! I shouldn't even want them." She frowned, puzzled. 

"Uh . . ." Buffy began. For some reason she actually felt sorry for Anya. Which was a weird thing. 

"Buffy?"

Buffy shot her gaze to Willow. 

"Soulmates? I don't understand."

Buffy shrugged. "Neither do I really."

Willow tugged a smile to her lips. She was trying to be a good friend and be happy for her. "I can research!"

"Okay," Buffy said. She smiled back. "Giles is looking into it too."

"I'm tired," Dawn announced. "I'm going home."

Buffy's face turned to worry. "Are you sure you should go home alone? Spike and I can walk you back."

"NO!" Dawn snapped. "I'll be fine."

Buffy sighed as she watched her sister flee the store. 

Spike touched her shoulder. "She's sixteen, luv. The bitty slayer can walk home. Besides, you've been teaching her all your moves, and she always carries a stake."

Nodding, she said, "Yeah."

"I'm going home too," announced Anya. "I have to get up bright and early to sell things."

"Bye, Anya," Buffy found herself saying. 

Anya seemed surprised. Then she smiled. "Bye, Buffy. Oh, and congratulations on the baby. I'm sure you will be a good mother, despite the slaying."

"Th-Thanks."

Buffy turned to Willow and Cleo. "You guys can go too if you want."

"But, Buffy, I can research for a while. I really want to help," Willow offered. 

"Nah. There's no rush. It's been a long day. For all of us, I'm sure."

The red-head shut her Apple labtop, that she always carried to the magic box just in case it was needed. "Okay. If you're sure."

"Yeah, I am."

Willow got to her feet. She went over to Buffy and gave her a hug. The slayer held her back, glad that at least Willow wasn't against her. Even if she knew that the witch did find the situation bewildering. 

Pulling back, Willow said, "Buffy, I want you to know that I love you. And if having a baby and being with Spike makes you happy, then I'm all for it. It is wigging me out some, but I'll try to get used to it. I mean, you did the same for my relationship with T-Tara." She still had trouble saying her demised lover's name. The hurt was still fresh and painful. Not to mention the guilt that came along with it. 

Buffy's eyes misted. "Wills, I love you too. And thanks."

The two girls hugged again. Then Willow grabbed her computer, preparing to leave. 

Spike caught her before she went out the door. "Thanks, Red. For trying to be understanding. She really needs it right now. The whelp has her all distressed. I know you hate me, so I'm thankful even more for you putting that aside for Buffy's sake."

Willow's eyes grew larger. "Hate you?"

Uncomfortable, he said," Well, yeah, with the . . . incident before I left and all."

"Oh." She paused. "I don't hate you, Spike."

Surprised, he replied, "You don't?"

"No. How can I? I've done worse things than you ever have?"

"I doubt you murdered hundreds of people, draining them dry, pet."

"No," she admitted. "But I killed and turned against the ones dearest to me. I did it all with a soul. " She turned away. "Goodbye, Spike."

Spike came back to stand next to Buffy. "That Wicca really is having it rough."

"I know. I wish there was something I could do," Buffy stated.

He shook his head. "No. She's gonna have to deal with that on her own. Not that your support won't help, mind you."

Buffy headed toward the backroom. He trailed behind. "Luv, I thought we would be off toward home."

"I can't go home. Not yet."

She went over to the punching bag and began to hit it fiercely. She let out her anger and frustration on the swinging device. 

"Ah, I get it," Spike remarked.

Suddenly Buffy stopped her beatings. There was fire in her gaze. "Let's go patrol."

"I dunno, Buffy . . ."

"Come on, please. I need to kill something."

He sighed. "Oh, all right. On two conditions."

"Depends."

"Number one, you make an appointment to see the doc. And two, if there is anything really nasty lookin, like somethin with sharp claws, I'm doing the killing. I'm not taking any chances of you getting punched in the stomach, you hear."

She frowned. "Deal."

They walked over to the exit. "You are going to be one of those overprotective fathers, aren't you?"

He smirked. "They're the best kind, Summers."

She nudged him. "I know."

As they stepped out into the cool night, he said, "You know you will have to stop patrolling eventually. How do you plan to release your tension then?"

She grinned evilly over at him. "That's where you come in," she muttered.

Images of a very hormonal slayer, letting out her stress filled on him his mind. It was enough to make him want to let her patrol as long as possible. With him chaperoning that is. 

______________________________________________

What do you guys think? I think this chapter went better than last. Do you agree?


	19. ch 19

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 19

Buffy paused outside the door. They had just returned home from patrolling. The stimulation had been refreshing, giving her the satisfaction of four kills: three vamps and a demon. Now she had to face her troubles once more, which she wasn't ready to do. 

Behind her, Spike touched her shoulder. "Okay, luv?"

She shook her head. "I feel like I've totally let down Dawn."

"She'll get over this. She's just upset cuz you didn't tell her what was going on."

"I was too scared. Otherwise I would have."

He gave her a slight squeeze, and then released her shoulder. Buffy took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob. Bracing herself, she turned it. They stepped inside, the place dimly lit from the living room lamp. 

Dawn stood up from her place on the couch. She came over to meet them. Her expression was unreadable. 

"Can I talk to my sister alone?" Dawn asked Spike.

He nodded and turned to Buffy. "Right then. I'll be taking a shower."

The slayer watched him retreat up the stairs. When he was out of sight, she faced her sibling with uncertainty. 

Suddenly, Dawn gave Buffy a hard hug. Surprised, it took Buffy a minute to respond. She slowly wrapped her arms around the teen. 

"I'm sorry, Buffy," Dawn told her.

Buffy blinked. "Dawn?"

The former key lifted her head. Strong emotion showed on her face. "I was just confused. I'm good now. You being with Spike is cool." A smile lit up on her lips. "And the baby, I'm all for it. I fully take on the aunt responsibility."

This was definitely not what Buffy had expected. She thought she would be walking into a yelling zone. Either that or the silent treatment. Instead her sister had switched into acceptance mode. With everything that had happened it was a big relief. Her eyes began to water.

Not knowing what to say, Buffy said the only thing she could. "I love you, Dawnie."

A few moments later, Buffy walked into her bedroom. Over the summer, while Willow had been away, she had transferred into the master bedroom. She had reasoned that her friend would want to avoid the location of her lover's death. Now that Willow had her own apartment the spare room could be converted into a nursery. A smile crept up on her mouth.

"It went well I take it?"

Buffy's eyes fell to the bed. Spike lay here, still damp from the shower, naked from the waist up. He looked. . . edible. Buffy licked her lips.

"Yeah, it went well. She's all right with us . . . this now," Buffy answered. 

He nodded. 

Buffy headed over to the bed. She climbed ontop of Spike, straddling him. A seductive gleam showed in her gaze. She leaned down to murmur in his ear. 

"Dawn's going to sleep."

The scent of her, the warm breath on his skin, the weight on his chest, set him afire. He smirked up at her. "Yeah?"

She stroked him. "Yeah. And I won't be so flexible in a while. I say we take advantage of my time left."

Spike narrowed his eyes. "You sound as if you're dying. This isn't an end, this is a beginning."

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I . . ."

Her sentence trailed off as Spike crushed his lips to hers. When they pulled away he touched her cheek.

"Don't act like you won't be sexy pregnant, Buffy. You're going to be adorable. I'll always want to make love to you."

She kissed his chest. "Good to know."

He sighed in pleasure as she started to do miraculous things to his body. 

*********************************

The sun bathed Buffy in its glorious intensity, making her groan. She rolled over with displeasure. Her eyes were shut tight, trying to block out the light. 

An arm snaked around her, pulling her near. She snuggled even closer. The man lying beside her pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.

Buffy's eyes fluttered open. They met swimming blue pools of love. "Mmm, what a wonderful way to wake up," she mumbled. 

"Breakfast, my lady?"

"Nah," she replied. She delighted in the sound of Spike's heart pumping in her ears. It was the most beautiful music she had ever heard. "Sleep more."

"It's past ten, pet."

She lifted her head from his chest. "Ten? How did I sleep so long?"

"Musta been tired."

She grinned. "Musta been. Wonder what could have possibly worn me out so much."

A smirk passed over his lips. "Slaying?"

They both laughed. 

"Dawn made it to school okay?"

"Heard her get up around six. I snuck out to check on 'er. She was fine, pet. Fixed a bowl of cereal and was ready when Harris came round."

"Xander? Did he say anything to you?"

"Surprisingly no. He honked the car horn and didn't even come in."

Nodding, she said, "Oh."

"So, you gonna come downstairs and eat, or do I gotta carry you?"

A groan escaped her. She dragged herself out of bed. Then she went to the closet and searched through her clothing. She grabbed a pair of jeans and began to put them on. She was fine until she tried to zip them up. 

"Troubles, luv?" Spike questioned, amused. 

She sent a death glare his way. She tugged the jeans off and went for her black slacks. These fit, but still were snug. 

"We'll have to go shopping," Spike stated. 

Buffy hated to admit it, but he was right. She was beginning to show. 

Spike fixed some pancakes and they both had a nice breakfast. At three, after Passions, Spike suggested he go and fill out some applications for a job. Buffy insisted she go along. They left a note for Dawn, telling her where they had gone. While out, they also went clothes shopping and stopped at the Espresso Pump.

By the time they came back it was getting dark. They walked up to the door hand-in-hand. The couple entered, finding the house completely dark. 

"Dawn?" Buffy called. Surely her sister wouldn't be asleep at this hour.

All of a sudden the lights came on. A chorus of 'Surprise!' rang in the slayer's ears. She took a step back, startled. She glanced around seeing balloons and streamers. Willow, Xander, Dawn, Anya, and Cleo came rushing at her. 

"What is all this?" Buffy asked. 

"A baby shower!" Dawn exclaimed. 

"Yeah, Buffy, we wanted to show you that we were all ok with this," Willow said. 

Buffy smiled. She turned her head to see the happy expression mirrored on Spike's face. 

"Thanks, guys," Buffy said. 

"It was Xander's idea," Dawn told her.

Buffy's eyes shot to her male friend. He took a few steps toward her, giving her a hug. "I'm sorry, Buff."

Her vision misted. "It's ok. You were in shock. I'm sure everybody was. Thanks for the party, Xander."

He laughed. "Yeah, I suggested having it in a few days, but when I brought Dawn home we found you gone. It was the best opportunity."

The slayer took in all her friends. "You all are the greatest."

Hesitantly, Xander went over to stand before Spike. He offered his hand. The ex-vampire took it, shaking it.

"Congrats, man," Xander said. 

The men looked at each other awkwardly.

"Let's open the presents," Anya suggested. "That is what parties are for."

Xander and Spike took advantage of Anya's statement and separated. 

Anya thrust a big box at Buffy. She led the slayer to the couch and made her sit down to open it. A rush of contentment came over Buffy. She was alive, in love, having a baby, and with her friends. Who could ask for more? Life was perfect. At least for the moment.

__________________________________________________________

Okay, yeah, I took a MAJOR break from this fic. Sorry. But I'm back now. 


	20. ch 20

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Thank my friend Fate724 for this part. She helped me get my muse back. : )

Chapter 20

Buffy flipped through the pregnancy magazine. She stopped when she came to an article about the merits of breast feeding. It went on about how the baby was so much better off when it got the mother's vitamins.

"This is taking too long," Spike complained. He sat in a green chair next to hers. He shifted in the seat. 

The slayer put down her reading material. Then she took Spike's hand and entwined their fingers together. 

"It will be worth the wait," she assured him. 

"Of course it will be worth the bloody wait. But meanwhile. . . "

"Buffy Summers," the nurse called. 

The couple stood up. Hand-in-hand they followed the dark-skinned woman. She led them to a sterile room with a bed and monitor. The nurse directed Buffy to lay down while she waited for the doctor. 

Spike huffed. "More waiting."

Buffy squeezed his hand and chuckled. He was so cute. She couldn't believe how much she loved him. And it kept increasing everyday. Months ago, when she had been using him, seemed like another lifetime entirely. 

It didn't take long for the doctor to arrive. Her name was Dr. Stouffer. She was in her thirties, with short black hair. She greeted Buffy and Spike with a wide smile. 

"Are you both ready for the show?" Dr. Stouffer asked. 

With a twinkle in her eye, Buffy replied, "Most definitely."

Buffy's shirt was lifted. Her belly was only slightly rounded, not very noticeable at all. The ultrasound wasn't necessary yet, but Buffy had wanted to see her baby. It was a miracle and she felt the need to witness it first-hand. 

Cold gel was rubbed on her skin. The doctor took a probe and spread the substance over her stomach. Dr. Stouffer moved the instrument around until she found the target. 

The mother-to-be watched the screen intently, looking for the slightest form of a baby. All she saw was gray designs that didn't make any sense. 

Dr. Stouffer pointed to a small blob. "There it is."

"That's it?" Spike asked with doubt.

"It's still very small. But if you look closely you can make out the head." The doctor indicated where it should be. 

Buffy's eyes stung. "Oh my God," she murmured. "Oh my God."

The slayer had never seen anything so beautiful. To others it probably would have been a figureless nothing, but to her it was everything. 

"Would you like pictures to take home?" Dr. Stouffer questioned. 

"Yes!" Buffy eagerly answered. 

"At a later time we could do another ultrasound. More can be seen then. Do you want to schedule one?"

Buffy nodded. 

She was given a towel to dry her stomach off. She left, holding the photos as if they were precious diamonds. 

The parents were quiet on the way to the SUV. They were both submerged in their own thoughts. 

Spike got behind the wheel, while Buffy settled on the passenger side. The bleach-blonde didn't make any move to start the car. 

"Are you all right, Spike?" Buffy asked, concerned. 

"Can I see those pictures?" he inquired. 

She gave him the pictures. He looked at them for a long time. Then he turned his face away. 

"Spike?"

He slowly turned toward her. His blue eyes shined with tears. 

"Oh, Spike." Buffy cupped the side of his face. 

"We made 'er," he choked. 

Buffy smiled. She leaned forward and gave him a deep kiss. 

* + * + * + *

The cloaked figure knelt before her, humbly. She stared at him with contempt. 

"You failed," she said.

"Yes, Medora," the Eliminator replied. 

"The ex-vampire lives."

"Yes."

Medora rose to her feet. She wore a long black dress, tightly molded to her form. She had flowing red hair that fell to her waist. She was exotically gorgeous, and lethal. 

"I hired you for something gravely important. I thought I made that clear!"

"You did, my lady."

"And still you fail!"

The Eliminator raised his head. "I drained the male as you asked. But still, he managed to survive."

"I don't care!" Medora shouted. "It is not acceptable."

"They are extremely strong."

"Yes. That is why I want them disposed of. They are strong. Especially when they are together."

The witch stepped toward the reaper. "I'm going to have to do this on my own now."

She put her hands on the sides of the Eliminator's head. He struggled, but was too weak to escape. Even if he was not lacking energy from his encounter with Buffy and Spike, Medora would still have the advantage. She closed her eyes. Heat pulsated from her fingers. It spread into the Eliminator, catching him on fire. She moved away then, watching as he burnt up. 

A new Eliminator would take his place. The hell dimension needed someone to do away with unwanted individuals. 

Medora went back to her chair and sat down. Soulmates usually did not give her so much trouble. Yet, this Buffy and Spike wasn't your typical couple. They were special. They were chosen to use their love against evil. And she was included in that cluster. She had to get rid of them before they got rid of her. 

The only problem was that being together made them so damn powerful. They were destined to overcome everything that they encountered. If the Eliminator couldn't do away with them . . .

Maybe killing them shouldn't be the first step, Medora thought. Her lips rose into a sinister grin. Maybe splitting them up should be the first priority. 

* + * + * + *

"Right there," Buffy told her sister, pointing. 

Dawn squinted. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Buffy insisted firmly. 

Laughter came from the teen. "Sorry, Buffy, but I only see something that resembles an inkblot."

The slayer withdrew the photograph. "Hey, that's my baby you are making fun of!"

Dawn laughed some more. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I was just teasing. You have to admit it doesn't look like much."

"Well, no," Buffy admitted. "But she is going to be cute. I can tell."

"I'm sure she will be. All the Summers gals are."

Just then Spike came into the room. He held a mug of steaming hot chocolate. He set his drink down on the coffee table and then went up to Buffy. He snaked his arms around her waist, sniffed her hair. 

"And this is the cutest one of them all," he remarked. 

"Aw, thank you, honey. Will you still think that when I'm big and fat?" Buffy asked. 

"Especially then." He nibbled on the side of her neck. 

"Ewww," Dawn commented. "I'm leaving so you can have your make-out session alone." 

The youngest left, a secret smile on her face. 

___________________________________________

I'm back, I promise. I had a massive amount of writer's block, but it is gone now. 


	21. ch 21

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

This is going to take a turn. I've decided to go a different route than I originally set out to take. Hope you like it. 

Note- Conner off Angel is still a baby. I think I'm going to say that this takes place after Birthday (Don't you just love Conner as a baby? Too bad he didn't stay that way *sigh* Don't get me started on that)

Chapter 21

Buffy reached for the bag of potato chips. Barbeque flavored. Spike, however, held them away from her. She crossed her arms, pouting. 

"You've eaten half the bag, luv," he told her. 

"So? Pregnant lady here. We eat a lot," she whined. She tried again, ineffectively to retrieve the bag. 

He sighed. "Okay, I am going to tell you the truth. I don't want you to eat anymore because I want some."

"Oh." She relaxed. "All right then."

Surprised, he lowered the bag. "You're just going to let me have them?"

She shrugged. "Yeah." After a moment she went on to say, "And we have mint cookie dough ice-cream in the fridge." With that, she quickly got to her feet, rushing toward the kitchen. 

Spike rose as well. He hurried after her. 

"Hey, that sounds good!" Spike called. 

The ex-vampire arrived to see his slayer take out the carton and open the lid. He made a dash for it, but she kept it at bay. Giggling, she dipped a finger into the frozen ice-cream. She waved it in front of him. Then she popped it into her mouth, sucking the substance off. 

Spike froze. He stared at Buffy, mesmerized as she seductively ate the ice-cream. He growled, snatching for her. The carton slipped from her fingers and landed on the counter. He managed to pull her to him. He nuzzled her neck, nipping at the skin. 

"I thought you were hungry for ice-cream," Buffy said. 

"You taste much better," Spike whispered. 

"Dawn's at school."

"I know."

Spike pushed Buffy against the island. He began to knead her breasts through her sweatshirt. She arched toward him. 

"Ahh, Spike," Buffy moaned. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he mumbled. 

His hands traveled under her shirt. They slid over her belly, making their way upward. 

Just then the doorbell rang. 

"Ignore it," Spike instructed. 

They continued to grope at each other, and so did the sound of the doorbell. Their passion grew, so much so that they couldn't stand to stop. The shrill of the bell became more insistent. 

"We s-should answer it," Buffy panted. 

Spike swept his tongue into her mouth. She tasted of sweet ambrosia fallen from the heavens above. He inwardly laughed. Must be the poet inside of me coming out, he thought. 

"Can't stop," he got out. 

Their actions prevented them further with words. 

Suddenly somebody burst into the room. A figure hurdled at Spike, tackling him off Buffy. Buffy struggled to get her breathing under control and clear her head. When she did, she threw the attacker away from Spike. 

"Who do you think you are? Coming in here and attacking my boy-. . . " Buffy's eyes grew wide. "Angel?"

____________________________________________________

REALLY short. I know. But I promise another part tomorrow. Given that the internet works right. Or that there isn't a power outage. Or that I don't catch some virus that prevents me from . . . 

Another part tomorrow. 


	22. ch 22

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

This is going to take a turn. I've decided to go a different route than I originally set out to take. Hope you like it. 

Note- Conner off Angel is still a baby. I think I'm going to say that this takes place after Birthday (Don't you just love Conner as a baby? Too bad he didn't stay that way *sigh* Don't get me started on that)

Chapter 22

Spike picked himself up from the linoleum. He glared at his grandsire with malice. "What are you doing here?" he demanded. 

Angel had his game face on, his golden eyes almost matching that of Angelus. "I could ask you the same thing, 'Spike'."

"Now, see here, I live here. I have every right to . . ." 

The elder of the two males wrapped his hand around Spike's throat in a strangling manner. He rammed the blonde into the kitchen counter.

"What game are you playing here, Spike!?"

With fury, Buffy took hold of Angel and flung him off Spike. The vampire staggered backwards, almost losing balance. 

Buffy eyed Spike worriedly. "Are you all right?"

Spike rubbed his neck. He cast Angel a threatening look. Then he turned back to Buffy. "Fine, pet."

The slayer shifted toward her ex. She put her hands on her hips. 

"What is up with you rushing in and attacking my boyfriends?" she asked, not in the least bit happy.

"What!?" Angel roared. 

Just then someone else rushed into the kitchen. Spike eyed her, vaguely recognizing her as the cheerleader Buffy used to hang around with during high school. What was her name? Cor. . . Cordelia! 

Cordelia Chase's eyes widened when she noticed Spike. She reached into the pocket of her jeans, revealing a wooden cross. She held it in front of herself.

"Back evil vampire!" she shrieked. 

"Oh, balls," Spike muttered. 

Spike reached out and grabbed the cross. He took it and dropped it to the floor without any sizzling at all.

Cordy pointed at him, dumbfounded. Beside her, Angel sniffed the air. He concentrated hard.

"You aren't a vampire," Angel stated. 

"That's right, Einstein," Spike replied.

"What are you?"

"He's human," Buffy announced. 

"He can't be."

"He's human enough."

Something suddenly occurred to Angel. He spun toward Cordelia. 

"Where's Conner?" 

"Relax," Cordy told him. "I left him in the car with Wes."

"Why are you here anyway? I told you to wait there too."

"I wanted to know what was up. You rushed in here like a maniac."

A frown marred Buffy's face. "Excuse me?"

Both Cordy and Angel focused back on Buffy.

"I want to know why you are here. And I want to know 'now'. You can't just barge into a person's home. Even if you know the person. It's against the law, you know."

"I thought you were in danger. You weren't answering your door. It was unlocked . . ." Angel sighed. "Sorry, I was wrong."

"Damn right you were!" Buffy shouted. 

A smirk formed on Spike's lips. Just to piss of Angel further, he put his arm around the mother of his child. Spike glanced down at Buffy, noting the baggy sweatshirt she wore. So Angel hadn't noticed her 'condition' yet. Hmmm. . .

"So, why the hell are you here?"

Angel opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by a baby's cry. 

"Angel!" another voice called from the living room. 

"Wesley, is that you!?" Angel shouted back. 

"Yes. I uh . . . Conner needs to be changed," the ex-watcher informed. 

"The diapers are in the zipper part of the bag."

"I know." There was a pause. "But he is your son."

Buffy raised an eyebrow at that. "Son?"

***********************************

The five of them, along with a newborn, gathered in the living room. Buffy and Spike settled on the couch, while Cordy relaxed in the recliner. Wesley and Angel stood. Conner was in a car seat, situated by his father's side. 

Buffy's mind was boggled. Angel had a son? Angel was a father? The notion was so strange. And yet, why should it be so astonishing? She glanced over at the black-clad male next to her. Spike had been a vampire when he gave her a little parting gift. 

"So, Darla's the mum?" Spike said. "That explains why the kid isn't totally deformed."

Angel fought losing control. "I understand that we don't get along, Spike. But insulting my son is over the line. 'Don't do it again'."

Spike became serious. He understood that that was a subject he could never tease his grandsire about and get away with it un-bruised. 

"Let's get down to business, shall we?" the slayer declared. 

She wanted to stop thinking about Angel with another woman. She may love Spike, but she would never stop having feelings for her first boyfriend. She also wanted to get this visit over with. The sooner the LA gang left, the better. Angel and her together equaled badness. Angel and Spike together equaled badness. It was total badness all around. 

"What do we have to fight?"

Wesley opened an archaic book he had brought. It had a mark, indicating a certain passage. He took a finger and skimmed to the part that was relevant. 

"We did not come across a specific mention of an adversary, but it does mention 'obstacles'," Wesley informed. 

"Uh huh. Obstacles for what? What exactly are you reading?" 

"Oh, sorry," Wesley apologized. He realized his mistake. He had been going on, before even explaining their find. 

"This book contains a prophecy about 'the children given to life by vampires'. I have concluded that Angel's son is one of these children."

"And what does are these children supposed to do?" Buffy asked. 

"Bring light or darkness, blah blah blah," Cordy said. 

Wes gave her a dirty look. 

"What? I basically said what that book does, although I didn't use as many words."

"The children: one boy and one girl, possess the power to transform the world. Together they will bring darkness upon the land or bathe it with white light," Wesley said. 

"Like I said."

"This still doesn't explain why you guys are here," Buffy remarked. 

"Yes it does, luv," Spike stated. 

She looked over curiously. "Huh?"

"Children. As in plural. The other kid is here in Sunnydale." The bleached blonde turned toward Wes. "Am I right?"

Wesley nodded. "We tracked it down to this very town."

"Yeah," Cordelia said. "And we were figuring that you might be able to help us locate the other baby so we can protect it."

Buffy took a deep breath. She lay a hand on her middle. "Uh, guys, I don't think you'll have to look very far."

_______________________________________________________

I kept my promise. : ) It was delivered like I said it would be. 


	23. ch 23

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 22

At first Angel didn't comprehend what Buffy's words meant. Then he took in where Buffy's hand lay. He realized how she had taken on some weight. Beside her Spike smiled, beaming with pride instead of displaying his usual smirk. His head swam, finding the blow too much to handle. 

Cordy was the first one to speak. "Congratulations. Really freaky and all that Spike is the father, I take it. But what do you expect on the hellmouth?" She shrugged. 

Angel gave his associate a look that clearly said 'are you crazy?'. 

"What?" Cordy said, now to Angel. "Don't tell me you are going to go all broody on us. It isn't any worse than you and that hoe Darla."

"That was different," Angel shot back.

"How?" she challenged. "I don't see much of a difference. Buffy slept with an evil vampire and got pregnant. You slept with an evil vampire and got her pregnant. The only thing different here is that Spike is a human now. Which doesn't seem to be a problem in my eyes. I mean, Buffy doesn't have to worry about ever having to stake the father of her child."

That got Angel, and he couldn't find anything good to say.

Spike grinned, this time letting his regular arrogance show. "The cheerleader got you there, huh, peaches?" 

Angel glared at Spike. 

"This is quite remarkable," Wesley commented. "A slayer with a child is a very rare occurrence. Many don't survive long enough to conceive."

"So, yay me," Buffy chirped. "Do I get a prize?"

"In nine months," Spike answered.

"It is vital that we keep this child a secret. Evil must not get their hands on it or the world is at stake," Wesley said. 

Spike took Buffy's hand. "So, no patrolling, luv."

A cute pout formed on the slayer's face. She wasn't liking the thought of being cooped up indoors. Her slayer nature made her restless at night, begging her to go kill something. This wasn't going to be easy. 

"So that's it then?" Buffy asked.

"Excuse me?" Wesley asked. 

"The prophecy? All I have to do is protect my baby from evil and we're all good?"

"Well. . . Yes, essentially. The children will bring light unto the world as long as they aren't corrupted by evil."

Buffy covered her mouth and yawned. "Great. I'm going to bed. You guys got a place to stay?"

"Yes," Angel replied. He didn't elaborate. 

A small smile formed on Cordy's mouth. "We're staying at the crappy motel downtown. We'll be good for one night. It better be just one night anyway."

Buffy quickly stood. She pulled Spike up with her. 

"Goodnight then."

The slayer and former vampire headed up the stairs without even showing the AI team out. 

Cordy rolled her eyes. She gestured toward the direction where Buffy and Spike had disappeared. "Huh, how do you like that!?" she exclaimed in annoyance.

"It was rather rude," Wes agreed. 

Angel gathered Conner. He snuggly bundled him up with a blue blanket. Then he headed out the door without saying a word. 

"I can't wait to get home," Cordeila muttered. "He gets so moody around Buffy." 

They began to exit the house, heading toward the car. 

"And he isn't moody back in LA?" Wes questioned. 

"Okay, yeah." She sighed. "But that is a 'different' kind of moody. That's a 'I'm a tortured vampire with a soul and need to make amends' kind of moody. This is a 'I've lost my one true love and will never get her back' kind of moody. And if I had to choose between the moodies. . ." 

Cordelia was cut off by Angel. "Stop right there. I can hear everything you are saying."

"Vampire hearing. Right." A frown came on her face. "Darnit, it is so unfair. We can't ever talk behind your back."

Angel just looked at her blankly. 

"Hey! That's what normal people do. They talk about their friends behind their backs."

The brown-haired vampire gripped the stirring wheel. "Get in the car, Cordelia." 

She shut up and complied. 

***************************

Buffy shed her clothes. Naked, she slipped under the covers beside Spike. She had gotten into the habit of getting into bed nude. There was no point wearing pajamas or a nightgown, as she was out of them a few moments later. 

A sigh of relief escaped her. "God, I'm so glad that is over."

Spike looked at her with surprise. "Really? You are happy he is gone?"

"Yeah, why would. . .? Oh." She propped herself up on an elbow. "Geez, Spike. I know you think Angel is my idea of perfect or something. Maybe he was once, but not anymore. I won't lie to you. I still love him. But when we're around each other it is weird. It's like I don't even know him anymore. Don't worry, kay. You are my guy. Soulmates, remember?" 

Spike was quiet for a moment. Finally he nodded. "I remember."

She leaned over and kissed him. She snuggled up to his body, wrapping an arm over his chest. 

"Mmmm, love you."

He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I know, luv. I know."

"And you love me back, right?"

"Course. Always."

She smiled. "Baby loves you too."

He laughed. "And I love her."

Her smile grew larger. "Our little girl. She's going to be so cute."

"Cause of her mum."

"And her daddy," Buffy insisted. She glanced up at him. "He's quite the looker."

He smirked. "Am I now?"

Buffy reached down and pinched his butt. "Well, he's got a nice ass." Her hand roamed to his front. She tugged at him playfully. "He's also equipped with some other pleasant parts."

"Want to see how pleasant my parts work?" 

"Maybe."

Spike swung her ontop of him.

___________________________________________________

Guys, I'm going to finish this. Hopefully really soon too. To tell you the truth I can't wait to finish this. I've kinda lost interest in it. I have other stories in my head that I'm dying to start. But I have to finish my WIP first. *sigh* At least two. 


	24. ch 24

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 24

Months passed. The AI team went back to Las Angeles, completing their mission with telling Buffy about the prophecy. Buffy was extra careful. She stayed indoors most of the time. When she did venture out, she was always accompanied with someone else. She fell into stir craziness. She felt useless, weak, fat, and unattractive. As she entered her eighth month of pregnancy, she fell into depression. She made no effort at going out of the house at all. She lay around and vegged out in front of the TV. 

Spike hated to see his usually vibrant slayer like this. He made an effort to tell her how much he loved her more often. He expressed how beautiful she was to him as well. The words hit Buffy with deaf ears. He never stopped, though. 

"I'm going out on patrol," Spike declared. He swung his leather duster onto his back. Then he grabbed a stake. 

Buffy didn't bother to look up from her television program. Some cooking show, Spike noted. She was practically salivating over the chocolate cake.

"We have cake, right, Spike?" she asked.

"Yeah, think so. Pet, did you hear me? I'm going patrolling. Dawn is upstairs if you need anything."

She nodded, not saying anything. 

Spike sighed with exasperation. "Be back in a few."

**********************************

Dawn came down to find her sister staring at the television. The weird thing was that it was off, only displaying a blank screen. 

The teen entered the living room and stepped over to Buffy's side. "Um, Buffy, what has your attention?"

Buffy didn't reply. In fact she didn't even look over. 

"Buffy?" Dawn moved a hand in front of the slayer's face. She didn't even blink. 

"Oh God!" Dawn exclaimed. She thought hard, trying to decide what to do. "I'm gonna get help. Maybe Xander."

She rushed out of the room and went into the kitchen. She grabbed the phone with fumbling fingers. She furiously punched in Xander's number. Before Dawn could reach the last number the receiver was thrust out of her grasp. She was violently thrown against the wall. 

A cry escaped Dawn's throat. She turned to see Buffy in front of her. 

"Buffy? What is wrong with you?" 

Her sister hit her. Why? She couldn't even begin to comprehend what was going on. 

The last thing Dawn saw before she was knocked out was Buffy's eyes. They were blank. There was no life in them at all. 

**************************

Buffy had thought she was trapped before in her house. She had no idea what trapped was until she was locked away in her mind. Her thoughts didn't control her body anymore. 

She watched in horror as she attacked her own sister. Then she walked out into the night. She went on and on. People gave her weird looks as she passed them. A couple even asked if she was all right. One direct gaze in her trance-like stare and they backed away. 

Buffy silently screamed. What is happening to me!? 

*************************

Spike came back after a long patrol. He had dusted five vamps and two demons. It helped a little with his worries. He felt better. . . . A little. 

With his first step going up the driveway, he knew something was wrong. The Summers' door was wide open. His heartbeat thundered in his ears as he ran inside. There was nothing to be found in the living or dining rooms. 

He entered the kitchen to find a crumpled Dawn. He hurried to her side. Kneeling, he reached to check her pulse. He halted before he did, not needing to. He could hear her heartbeat. Loud and strong. 

Spike gently shook her. "Dawn? Nibblet?"

She let out a moan, stirring slightly. 

"That's it, bit. Come back to us," he urged her on. 

Gradually Dawn rose to consciousness. "Spike?" Her voice was groggy. 

"What happened? Where's Buffy?"

Dawn's eyes suddenly focused. She jolted upward, fully awake. "Something is wrong with her. She was in a daze. And then she hit me."

"She hit you?" he inquired incredulously. 

"Yeah. And let me tell you, even pregnant she's mega strong."

Spike helped Dawn to her feet. 

"We have to find her," he announced. 

She nodded in agreement. 

They searched everywhere. They told Willow, Xander, Anya, and Cleo, who helped comb the town. There was no sign of Buffy. 

The group finally relented in exhaustion. Except Spike. He kept looking for hours afterward. Eventually even he had to stop for a break. 

Spike fell on the bed, not bothering to change clothing. He breathed in the scent of Buffy until he fell into slumber. 

**********************************

The ex-vampire was in a meadow. Birds chirped from above. The sky was bright, blue, and sunny. Flowers surrounded him in all directions. 

"What the sodding hell is this?" he muttered. 

"A dream."

He hadn't been expecting an answer. He spun around to come face-to-face with a young woman. She wore a white dress. Her golden hair blew in the wind, flowing in her azure eyes. 

"And who might you be, luv?"

She smiled. "Elena."

The name meant light. Fitting. This girl seemed to illuminate with her own radiance. 

Spike scanned his surroundings. "Not my type of dream."

"I know," Elena stated. "Yours are more dark. Sometimes scary. You still hold guilt, don't you?"

"Your point?"

She laughed. "No point."

"Look, I think I should wake up now."

"No. Not until I've told you what you have to know."

"And what's that then?"

"I know where Buffy is," Elena told him. 

He perked up at that. "Where is she?" he growled. 

"She's with Medora in another realm." 

"Another. . . Another dimension?"

"Yes. She put a spell over Buffy. She took over Buffy's body and took her to where she is."

"And where's that?"

"It is a dimension she created herself. It has no name."

"Bloody fabulous. Whose this Medora bint anyway? What does she want with my slayer?" 

"She sent the Eliminator to separate you both before. Her whole reason for being is to tear apart soulmate bonds. You were special, though. She thought you were the chosen couple."

Spike rose an eyebrow at that. 

"But she was wrong," Elena continued. 

"So we're your average couple after all?"

Elena chuckled. "Oh no! Not at all! You are chosen to do something, but not for what she thought you were for. You are chosen to give birth to one of the Children of Light."

"I'm getting a sense of déjà vu. This wouldn't happen to be the prophecy about Angel's kid and mine, would it?"

She nodded. "Exactly. Conner is the other chosen Child of Light. They will someday join to bring light upon the land. As long as evil doesn't steal them, that is."

Spike held up a hand. "Hold on a sec. Joined? They aren't soulmates! Bloody well tell me that my daughter isn't soulmates with Peaches's kid!"

A smirk formed on Elena's mouth. 

"Oh no," Spike muttered. 

"Oh yes. And Medora thought Buffy and you were the Children of Light. She obviously didn't get the full info. I mean, she didn't know until recently that the couple would be made by vampires."

Spike felt the air leave him. He couldn't breath. And now she knew. She wasn't after Buffy or him anymore. She was after their daughter. 

"You can wake up now," Elena said. 

Spike blinked. 

"Wake up," she repeated. 

********************************

Spike jarred awake. He jumped out of bed, prepared for action. He needed to find Buffy before it was too late. He had to save his girls. 


	25. ch 25

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 25

Buffy awoke to find that she couldn't move. It wasn't that she didn't have control of her body like before. She could blink when she chose to. The rest of her, however, was a dead weight. 

"So, your awake then? Good." 

Buffy tried to open her mouth to speak, but found that she couldn't. Great. The only thing working seemed to be her eyes. 

"I bet you are wondering what is going on, don't you, precious?"

The speaker was deadly beautiful. She had long fiery hair. A black dress molded to her form, displaying gorgeous curves. 

"My name is Medora," the woman said. "I'm not a demon. I'm a witch. I'm more powerful that anything you've encountered. Even your little magic friend. I've moved past the mortal form. The body is only capable of holding so much power. I'm pure energy now. You only see me this way because I chose for you to."

Buffy closed her eyes. She wished she could tune out the words. If she had functioning vocal chords she could have come up with a good pun. Something about how evil beings could never just get to the point. 

Medora loomed over Buffy. She stroked Buffy's cheek. Buffy wished she could spit in the witch's face. 

"Such a pretty thing. No wonder your man loves you so much. I bet you want to go back to him, don't you? Love." Medora laughed. The sound was like chalk on a chalkboard. "It is funny how close love and hate are. I don't think you know how close."

How very wrong you are, Buffy thought. I know perfectly. 

"Even soulmates can hate. Two halves. Two opposites to form a whole. Hate and love are opposites. Yet they are so interchanging. They can change from one to the next in a flash."

Buffy rolled her eyes. She was proud that she could manage that at least. Would this Medora ever shut up? If she was going to kill her she wished she would get on with it already. 

"I had a soulmate once," Medora confided. "I was human then. We loved each other very much. But then he died. He died and left me."

Boo hoo for you, Buffy thought. 

"He killed himself. Suicide." Medora said this with rage. "He hung himself and left me all alone!" 

"That was when I knew that the soulmate principal was bullshit."

Buffy begged to whatever deity there was that she could go deaf. Was this a new form of torture?

"I shed my shell and let the magic consume me. I devoted my existence to ending soulmates all together." There was a pause. "And then I heard of them. The Children of Light. I thought you and your handsome devil were it. I was wrong."

Buffy could feel a hand press against her swollen belly. The baby kicked against it almost as if in anger. 

Medora's face grew close. She whispered into Buffy's ear. 

"Your little girl is special, slayer. Did you know that?" She laughed. "Of course you did. She's going to bring light, Buffy. Light and love. Banish the hate and darkness."

Medora straightened. She grinned evilly. "Unless we change that."

Oh no! Buffy's mind cried. Not my baby. What was she going to do with her baby? 

***********************************

The whole Scooby gang was gathered at The Magic Box. They scoured through book after book. Willow typed furiously on her labtop. They searched for hours and hours, not giving up. 

"I found something!" Cleo shouted. 

Spike quickly got up out of his seat. He rushed to the witch's side. He grabbed the book she had in front of her and began to read aloud. 

"Medora: the heart snatcher. A witch who transcended mortal form into one of a spiritual body. She dwells in a lair, in a dimension of her own creation. She seeks out soulmates relationships to destroy. Popular rumor has it that Medora is out for revenge. She was once in love with her own mate, who left her when committing suicide."

Spike looked up from the book. He slammed the volume onto the table, making everybody jump. "And that is so bloody helpful!" 

"I have an idea," Cleo announced. 

"What's that?" 

"I can do a spell. You have a connection with Buffy, right?" 

"Yeah. We can sometimes feel what the other is feeling. If we concentrate hard enough."

"I think I could use that to transport you to where she is."

Hope formed in Spike. "Let's get started then."

"Wait a sec," Xander interrupted. "How are you going to defeat this uber-witch when you find her?"

"Don't give toss," Spike said. "Buffy and I'll figure it out. We always do." 

"Up until now."

***************************************

Medora had left the room. Buffy was so thankful for the peace and quiet. She spent the time trying to contact Spike with her mind. She knew it was hopeless but she had to try anyway. 

Suddenly Buffy could hear footsteps approaching. Then chanting filled the air. A purple glow hovered over her. Buffy grew dizzy, which was ridiculous considering that she had remained in one place for she didn't know how long. 

The chanting stopped. 

"I'm going to release you now," Medora informed. "But let me assure you, escaping is out of the question. And attacking would be even a dumber thing."

Buffy could finally move. She got off the table she had been lying on. She rushed at Medora with great speed. Well, as fast as her massively weighted down abdomen would allow. Her fist hit nothing. It went straight through Medora. 

The witch giggled. "I told you, slayer. I don't process a solid form. You can't hurt me. So don't even try. As for escaping, it is useless. You aren't in your world. The only way to get out of here is magic. And you don't have any of that."

Pain suddenly engulfed her stomach. Her hands gripped her middle. 

"Oh, and there's that," Medora said. She pointed to Buffy's stomach. 

Fire in Buffy's green eyes, she glared. "What did you do to me!?"

"Why, you're in labor, Buffy."

Buffy cried out. She almost fell as another wave of agony hit her. She held onto the table in attempt to stay upright. 

"This isn't normal," Buffy told Medora. "The contractions shouldn't be so harsh yet."

"Magic, slayer. I brought you into active labor. You'll be delivering your bundle of joy in no time."

Buffy sunk to the floor. She gritted her teeth. 

"And then she'll be mine. Mine to bring up. Mine to leash darkness over the land. After I get my clutches on that little Conner."

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God! 

Buffy let out a scream. 

_____________________________________________


	26. ch 26

****

Deep Inside

By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can't lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS. The soul mate principle idea was taken from L.J. Smith's book series called Night World. 

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can't cope, so he pretends to be somebody he's not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike's absence hasn't effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after 'As You Were 'only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days. 

Chapter 26

The contractions were one upon the next now. Buffy could hardly think. She squatted in a corner. Medora was watching the whole thing, but the slayer had no time to care. She was too busy dealing with the pain. 

"I think it is just about time to push," the witch declared. 

"Bite me!" Buffy growled. 

"Hmmm."

Things were a blur then. A sudden rush came over Buffy. She began to push. She tried to do the Lamaze breathing she learned, but she soon gave up. She let instinct take over. She could sense the baby coming. It wouldn't be long now. 

And then Spike was there. And things cleared for a moment. 

"Buffy? Pet?"

"Sp-Spike?"

"It's me, luv. Cleo helped me get here. She used the soulmate link."

He brushed her sweaty hair off her face. Their eyes met then and Buffy drowned. She was drowning in Spike. 

"The soulmate link shouldn't be able to surpass your own dimension!" Medora stated. "I couldn't feel my Wyatt after he left me!"

Spike snapped his head to the side. "Well, ours is stronger!" 

Buffy grunted as she pushed some more. 

"Ahhh!"

Spike took her hand. "Buffy? You can't be having the baby now. It isn't time. You have another week to go."

"She. . . Used . . . M-magic," Buffy managed to get out. 

Spike stood up. He faced Medora and growled. "If you've harmed my daughter in any. . . "

"Relax, mortal," Medora said. She sounded as if she thought she were a god. "I would not harm your child. I want your child. She will be a tool. A tool for darkness."

"Over my dead body!" 

Medora grinned. "That would be fun. But I know something even more fun. I think I'll use you as well. Wouldn't you like to play daddy for your own baby."

Blackness swirled around Spike and Buffy. It wanted to engulf them. 

"We can be together, you and I. Mated. Not soulmates, mind you, but mated just the same. We can raise your little girl together. Aren't there times when you wish you could go back to the night? Wasn't it more fun being a vampire?"

Spike could feel the power tugging at him. He suddenly knew what was going on. The magic wanted to tear at him. Tear him away from Buffy. It was hate. 

Flashes of himself draining Buffy dry filled his head. He saw himself tasting the blood of the slayer. Bagging his third conquest. Fantasies, he realized. Fantasies when he was a vampire without a soul. Without a chip. 

Spike heard Buffy yell. It snapped him out of the visions. He knelt by her side and took her hand. He squeezed hard. 

The power fought against their grasp. It was hard to hang on. 

"Hang on, baby," Spike told Buffy. "Just hang on."

Buffy met his gaze. "I'll never let go." She smiled a little. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He bent down and kissed Buffy on the lips. 

Everything ended at that moment. And everything began. 

Buffy let out one tremendous howl as she pushed. A tiny body slithered out of her, making its way into the world. Their world. Not Medora's. 

Somehow they had ended up home. 

Things happened fast. Spike cut the umbilical chord. A baby's cry surrounded them. Spike passed Buffy a squirming, sweet little girl. Mother and daughter stared into each other's eyes. Green hit blue. 

And Buffy knew. She could see it in her daughter's face. 

"Hello, Elena," Buffy whispered. 

********************************

A little while later, the new family met up with their friends. Buffy and baby Elena went to the hospital. Both were in excellent condition. 

A full day later Giles arrived. 

"Giles!" Buffy exclaimed. 

She gave her watcher a big hug. They clung to each other longer than necessary. 

"This is such a surprise! Did you come to see Eleana?"

"That, yes. Yes, of course. But also because of this." He held up a dusty, old book. 

"What's that?"

"Answers. I discovered the prophecy you told me about. The one Wesley found. This one is more descriptive, however. It tells about the Child of Light's parents."

Buffy smiled. "I'm in there?"

"Yes. Spike as well. It talks about Angel and Darla too. Someday Angel will become human? Did you know that Buffy?"

She shook her head. Joy spread over her. "No, I didn't."

The middle-aged man opened the book. He scanned the words. "It talks about your conquest over Medora. About how the pair will give birth to love, and triumph over hate. It says that you were able to defeat the magic because love is far greater than hate."

"She was wrong," Buffy said with a laugh. 

Giles lifed his head. "Wrong?"

Buffy fell into a laughing fit. "Medora seemed to be wrong about everything. She thought Spike and I were the Children of Light. She thought soulmate links couldn't reach different dimensions. And, she thought hate and love were on the same par with each other. She was just wrong about almost everything."

Giles closed his book. He met her eyes with warmth. 

She smiled. "Want to see your granddaughter?" 

That left Giles speechless. He followed the mother in silence. 

She led him into the living room. Spike sat on the couch, holding Elena. The baby was bundled in a cozy pink blanket. She was sleeping peacefully. 

Spike shifted his attention over to Buffy and Giles. 

"Rupert? Are you wanting to hold her?"

Giles received the baby and looked down at her with awe. "Dear lord." He had never seen anything so beautiful. 

"She's remarkable," Giles announced. 

The baby awoke. She gaped up at Giles with clear blue orbs. And he was bathed in love. He knew then what this creature was. What Buffy and Spike had created. 

Pure love. 

___________________________________________

The End. 

Yep, Yay! I finished it! 


End file.
